I Have Things to Say

I do. But I’m sick. And tired. So my motivation is null and void. All I want to do is sleep. But I’ll give you just a few of the things I have to say. Because we all know I’m incapable of shutting the hell up.

• Snow in March sucks.
• It just shouldn’t snow in the spring.
• Dressy boots are not appropriate footwear for spring snow. As the ground is kind of warm, so a slushy mess is created and therefore there are a lot of puddles.
• Puddles + fancy, cute dressy boots = wet socks
• Nothing warms you up when you have wet socks like ice cold beer in a bar on a Friday afternoon.
• And nothing will make your horrible cold and flu worse than ice cold beer in a bar.
• Two nights in a row.
• A limo driver asked me if I needed a lift. Too bad my car was three cars away or I probably would have asked him to drive me around the block.
• Guys that are in their early 20s, who are under the impression you too are in your early 20s because you apparently look young for your age, will run for the hills when they find out you’re 30.
• And by running for the hills, I mean never talk to you again for the rest of the night.
• But they are pretty to look at.
• Is there something wrong with WordPress? Why is it not alerting me of my comments? I got like 7 emails on the last post and it turns out I have 23 comments. WTF, WordPress? People wait for my email responses.
• American Idol Karaoke for Wii is AWESOME. According to Simon, I’m the next big thing and just sensational.
• I think I’m incapable of losing my voice.
• Remember that tooth that was bothering me in December? The one I said I needed a root canal on but DoucheBag Dentist disagreed? Turns out I was right and HE was wrong. FAIL. Because I have to have a root canal on Thursday morning.
• And DoucheBag Dentist is doing the procedure. Apparently he’s the only one that knows how to in the whole office. So that should be fun. And should end in tears.
• If you splash half of your soup on your sweater, you will smell like soup for the rest of the day.
• And it will make you want more soup.
• My heart broke on Easter when my niece Skyler, my BFF, told me to “GO AWAY!”
• I made sure to put all that emotion into my rendition of Black Velvet for Simon, Paula and Randy.
• The real Sudafed is way better than the fake crap on the shelves. It’s so worth getting it from the pharmacist and having your driver’s license entered into the meth lab database.
• People don’t like the idea of sleeping with cartoons. Death IS an option.

And now I must get to sleep. To rid my body of the Ebola virus that has taken residence. I’d mention that better posts would be coming once I got well. But let’s face it, sick or not, it’s just a bunch of crap.

:::

Also, remember to cast your vote today for my friend Jenny for Chicago Woman of the Year!