Posted by: kristabella | March 24, 2008

I Have Things to Say

I do. But I’m sick. And tired. So my motivation is null and void. All I want to do is sleep. But I’ll give you just a few of the things I have to say. Because we all know I’m incapable of shutting the hell up.

  • Snow in March sucks.
  • It just shouldn’t snow in the spring.
  • Dressy boots are not appropriate footwear for spring snow. As the ground is kind of warm, so a slushy mess is created and therefore there are a lot of puddles.
  • Puddles + fancy, cute dressy boots = wet socks
  • Nothing warms you up when you have wet socks like ice cold beer in a bar on a Friday afternoon.
  • And nothing will make your horrible cold and flu worse than ice cold beer in a bar.
  • Two nights in a row.
  • A limo driver asked me if I needed a lift. Too bad my car was three cars away or I probably would have asked him to drive me around the block.
  • Guys that are in their early 20s, who are under the impression you too are in your early 20s because you apparently look young for your age, will run for the hills when they find out you’re 30.
  • And by running for the hills, I mean never talk to you again for the rest of the night.
  • But they are pretty to look at.
  • Is there something wrong with WordPress? Why is it not alerting me of my comments? I got like 7 emails on the last post and it turns out I have 23 comments. WTF, WordPress? People wait for my email responses.
  • American Idol Karaoke for Wii is AWESOME. According to Simon, I’m the next big thing and just sensational.
  • I think I’m incapable of losing my voice.
  • Remember that tooth that was bothering me in December? The one I said I needed a root canal on but DoucheBag Dentist disagreed? Turns out I was right and HE was wrong. FAIL. Because I have to have a root canal on Thursday morning.
  • And DoucheBag Dentist is doing the procedure. Apparently he’s the only one that knows how to in the whole office. So that should be fun. And should end in tears.
  • If you splash half of your soup on your sweater, you will smell like soup for the rest of the day.
  • And it will make you want more soup.
  • My heart broke on Easter when my niece Skyler, my BFF, told me to “GO AWAY!”
  • I made sure to put all that emotion into my rendition of Black Velvet for Simon, Paula and Randy.
  • The real Sudafed is way better than the fake crap on the shelves. It’s so worth getting it from the pharmacist and having your driver’s license entered into the meth lab database.
  • People don’t like the idea of sleeping with cartoons. Death IS an option.

And now I must get to sleep. To rid my body of the Ebola virus that has taken residence. I’d mention that better posts would be coming once I got well. But let’s face it, sick or not, it’s just a bunch of crap.


Also, remember to cast your vote today for my friend Jenny for Chicago Woman of the Year!



  1. Feel better soon and be sure they give you the good drugs for your root canal.

    Also? Does it make me weird that I voted on the DINAO cartoons?

  2. hahaha, aww – I hope you feel better 🙂

    And I couldn’t agree more about the REAL Sudafed! Although I don’t appreciate the way the pharmacist “eyes” me when he takes my drivers license! I have allergies, a-hole!

  3. American Idol on Wii ROCKS!!! And I was “spot on”, per Simon, when I did Aerosmith. That was just way too much fun….even if I still have some of the songs in my head! (“Her name is Rio….”)

    I was actually trying to think of new categories for DINAO when I couldn’t sleep during the night. Don’t tell me we’re all done???????? Ummm, yeah, the cartoons were kinda weird but it’s a GAME, people!!!!!!!!

    I need to get to work & put my exclamation points to use there!!!!

  4. I hope you feel better soon. I can’t believe that you need to get a root canal after all! That totally sucks. 😦

  5. I am so glad to hear you are putting your sorrow to good use. Simon can see into your soul!! Hope you feel better soon 🙂

  6. aw, feel better soon.

    And don’t worry about those BABIES you meet in the bars. They’d only sleep with you, mess with your mind, and break your heart.

  7. How out of it am I? I didn’t know there was fake Sudafed to foil the meth cookers. I hope your snotfest is over soon. I have a saying about dating age disparity:
    If they is puppies, you got to bring em up.
    If they is grandpas, they can’t get it up.
    Oh? And when it comes to men, keep outside pets only. Trust me.

  8. Feel better! I always thought older women we’re good. The whole Mrs. Robinson thing?

  9. I had lots of things to say before I got to the Sudafed portion of the post. I cannot agree more. I can’t even begin to go into how much that damn rule pisses me off. Because it does. So very, very, very fucking much.

  10. I hope you feel better soon. It must be bad when you see the bar as a bad idea. And I also am having problems with WordPress emailing my comments. Okay, comment.

  11. Once I got turned down when I tried to buy Sudafed. It was pretty funny. I just couldn’t buy the same kind twice in a row; I was allowed to go pick out Sudafed Sinus or whatever instead. I actually don’t mind that the good stuff is behind the counter because it does seem to be slowing down meth production, at least a little bit.

    You must look hot when you are sick since a cute 20-something hit on you AND a limo driver offered you a ride.

  12. I must get American Idol karaoke for AS’s Wii. I am pretty sure that a record producer in a neighboring apartment would hear me and offer me a big, big deal!

  13. I need to find a limo driver to ask me if I want a lift!

  14. Trying to buy Sudafed at the pharmacy is a chore nowadays, but you’re right: so worth it. I hope you’re feeling better soon, although if you get hit on by younger men and limo drivers when you’re sick you may want to consider staying that way. Or at least faking it!

  15. ***HUG***
    Sorry you’re feeling yukky, dear.
    I had a bit of the stomach squicks part of last week and most of the weekend, which was no fun. I finally started feeling better last night – the first time I was actually hungry for anything other than saltines and ginger ale in about 3 days. The bf and I ordered from this really yummy Italian place… which proceeded to be 30 minutes late with our order.

    But damn, it was still good.

  16. WAY BACK WHEN – – when I was single and 30, young pups would ask me or one of my girlfriends out all the time. Seems they thought older women were more “experienced” (well, we ARE) and they went after us with a vengeance. They rarely succeeded, but oh my – – they WERE pretty to look at!

    But that was long, long ago . . . I’m old and married now!

    (But I did marry a man 5 years younger than me – – there is something to say about “Puppy Love” . . . )

  17. emily, my 7-year-old, needs american idol for the wii!!!
    (and when i say emily, i mean i)

  18. Hope you feel better soon! I have to see this Wii karaoke! Sounds fun.

  19. At this moment, as I just sneezed for the 328190th time today, I would love for some snow to come and kill all of the pollen. Warmth I can do, pollen? Not so much. Suck it, Spring!

  20. Ooooh, we can do duets on American Idol. I have the PS2 version!

  21. It’s not a bunch of crap!-you are greatness! I’m sorry you are still sick! Oh, and seriously-since when is 30 the new 80??? I am NOT old or undesirable because I turned 30!!! sheesh. stupid boys.

  22. So why did Skylar shun you?

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