Posted by: kristabella | February 6, 2008

DINAO Round 2 – The Ugly Version

We had such a good response to Death Is Not An Option – Round 1 last week, that I decided to make it a weekly feature. At least until we determine a champion. Because I have started compiling the results into a bracket and we shall have some head-to-head match-ups coming up.

Or not. Because I get lazy and this may end up being a weekly feature that I do twice.

Now just to remind y’all of the rules, out of the two choices, you must pick ONE celebrity that you’d sleep with. And in this round particularly, death is NOT an option. Pick one. Or both if you’re batshit crazy like that. But “eating your own shit” or “biting off my grandpa’s toenails” are not viable answers either.

So on with the show. Let’s get ready to ruuummmmmbbblllleeee! Ding, ding, ding.

Round 2

The Old Rocker Edition

Keith Richards vs. Ozzy Osbourne

keith-richards.jpg     ozzy_osbourne.jpg

The Comedian Edition

Andy Dick vs. Carrot Top

 andy_dick.jpg     carrot-top.jpg

The Annoying Talk Show Host Edition

Rosie O’Donnell vs. Star Jones

rosie.jpg     starjones-x2.jpg

The Why Are They Famous? Edition

Paris Hilton vs. Nicole Richie

paris_hilton.jpg     nicole_richie.jpg

The Rapper Edition

Flavor Flav vs. Kid Rock

flavor-flav.jpg     kid-rock.jpg

The Little Bit Country, Little Bit Rock n’ Roll Edition

Lyle Lovett vs. Marilyn Manson

lyle-lovett.jpg     marilyn-manson.jpg

The Seinfeld Edition

George Constanza vs. Cosmo Kramer

georgecostanza.jpg     kramer.jpg

The Billionaire Edition

Donald Trump vs. Hugh Hefner

trump.jpg     hefner.jpg

The “They Have the Same Name” Edition

Howard Stern vs. Howard K. Stern

stern.jpg     howard-k-stern.jpg

The Hollywood Edition

James Woods vs. Woody Allen

james-woods.jpg     woody-allen.jpg

And there you go. Have at it in the comments!

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Responses

  1. Well, this is more like it! A version like my old friends & I play… just to see if we can make each other gag. Great job, I gagged at least eleventy-hundred times while looking over this list. Here are my *gag* picks:
    -Ozzy: Because maybe he’d strangle me until I pass out at the start.
    -Carrot *gag* Top: With my eyes closed, he’s totally hot. That body, full of ‘roids it may be, probably feels really good.
    -Kid *gag* Rock: astonishing because you put anyone else except for Flavor Flav against Kid, and I’m picking the other person.
    -Lyle Lovett: I bet he tries hard to please his lady-friends.
    -George *gag* Costanza: I’d totally put a meatball sub in the bedside table… he’d never even bother with me!
    -Donald *gag* Trump: He’d spend so much time talking about how I was about to be with the greatest, best, most amazing lover of all time that he’d probably never get around to the actual act in question.
    -Howard *gag* Stern: He always says he’s done in 2 seconds, so I figure, what’s 2 seconds?! And maybe we can be in his Hamptons palace while we’re at it.
    -James Woods: He’s a TOTAL douche but honestly, I think he’s kind of foxy, in that older, lecherous man kind of way.

    Jules
    House of Jules

  2. Girl, this weeks is a gag flex exercise!

    Ozzy ~ He’d never know I was there
    Andy ~ I’d hand him a magazine
    Rosie ~ She’s probably fun out of the limelight
    Nicole ~ We’d shop
    Kid ~ Homeboy
    Lyle ~ We could watch Pretty Woman
    Kramer ~ Better than LSD
    Hugh ~ zzzzzzzz
    Stern Sirius ~ I’d make him trim his nose hairs
    Wood ~ I like him, in a creepy way

  3. I agree with the first two commenters. This one definitely had the gag effect. Blah!

    ~Keith Richards (gag)
    ~Andy Dick (gag) – and, Carrot Top is just scary looking.
    ~Star Jones (double gag)
    ~Paris Hilton – only b/c Nicole is a new mommy
    ~Kid Rock (blah!)
    ~Lyle Lovette – At one time, Julia Roberts saw something in him.
    ~George Costanza
    ~Hugh Hefner – maybe he would fall asleep before the time came.
    ~Howard Stern (gag) – other Howard is a complete low-life.
    ~James Woods – I love him on Shark, and Woody Allen married a woman he rasied…gross, gross, gross!

  4. Keith – to get closer to Mick maybe?
    Carrot Top – Andy Dick is one
    Rosie – she hasn’t always been obnoxious
    Nicole – I’d get to see the new baby
    Kid Rock – “I put your picture away”
    Lyle – to run my fingers through his hair?
    Kramer – George is too George
    Hugh – even if he is old enough to be MY daddy
    Howard no middle initial – people die around the other one
    James Woods – he didn’t even make me throw up a little in my mouth

  5. Dude, these are too good.

    Keith Richards- I don’t know why.

    Andy Dick- Carrot Top makes me want to barf. So does Andy Dick, but less violently.

    Nicole- She seems cool, and somewhat less likely to have an STD.

    Kid Rock- lesser of two evils.

    Lyle Lovett- the whole Lolita thing with that young girl of MM’s grosses me out.

    Hugh Hefner

    Howard K- I don’t want people hearing about it on the radio.

    James Woods- probably the least gross of all options presented.

  6. You are fucking EVIL!
    Ozzy- Keith has no dick, I saw that Playgirl he was in where they had to zoom in, circle and arrow to it just so you would know he even had one.
    Andy-Less nightmares but probably requiring a restraining order.
    Rosie-Somehow she’s less disgusting than Star. Only marginally so.
    Nicole-She’s actually sometimes attractive and right now she still has some baby weight on her and isn’t a pile of bones.
    Kid Rock-Dirty rocker over crack whore fo sho.
    Marilyn-I wanna see what is under all that make-up.
    Kramer-George made me gag too much.
    Hugh-anyone that thinks he’s still getting it up is mental.
    Howard (radio)-*shudder*
    James Woods-self important assholes buy fake orgasms as a job well done and end things quickly.

  7. oh. my. lord.

    My eyes bleed. They bleeeeeed. I can’t sit long enough to type my responses, because I’m holding back the hork.

    Can’t wait to see the political pundits version!

  8. Oh geez. Okay.
    1) Ozzy. Because he is Ozzy.
    2) Andy Dick – but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be into me.
    3) Star Jones. I just hate Rosie that much.
    4) Paris – I hear she is good in bed.
    5) Flav. He’s the premier hype man.
    6) Lovett – He’d be appreciative.
    7) Kramer if we are going with charaters. Alexander if we have to do the actor.
    8) Heffner. I don’t want to talk about it.
    9) Stern. I don’t want to talk about it.
    10) James Woods. Who picked Woody Allen?

  9. Oh man. Some were much worse than others.

    Ozzy (though that’s a bit frightening)
    Carrot Top (the bod looks nice — so I suppose I could supress the gagging…)
    Star (Rosie?? really?!?)
    Nicole
    Kid Rock
    Lyle (cuz I don’t know I could get past all that Manson makeup)
    Cosmo
    Trump (can Hef even get it up anymore?)
    K. Stern (gag)
    James Woods (cuz saggy, wrinkled balls SCARE ME!)

  10. Oh my god… I might get sick during this…
    Ozzy – like he’ll even be conscious…
    Carrot Top – probably less diseased
    Rosie – There was no chance for Star unless she were mute.
    Nicole – Again, probably less diseased
    Kid Rock – I’d have to bath myself in bleach for a long time after but there is NO WAY Flav and his grill are getting near me.
    Lyle Lovett – No question
    George Costanza – I actually think he’s adorable
    Hef – Probably more diseased but also way less evil
    Radio Stern
    James Woods

  11. lol! I have to agree with Jules…this is gag inducing material here..yuck!!

    Carrot top just makes me wanna barf…could we shave his head first….

  12. LOL This is AWESOME!

    Ozzy – maybe all the shaking will be fun?
    Carrot Top – better bod
    Rosie
    Nicole – less bony
    Kid Rock- kinda yummy in a white trash way!
    Marilyn Manson – should be interesting
    Kramer – so I can slap him!
    Donald – Hef is just creepy!
    Howard K Stern
    James Woods – no gagging here!

  13. The Old Rocker Edition
    Keith Richards vs. Ozzy Osbourne
    – Keith Richards: He’s interesting, I like his music, and Johnny Depp regards him highly enough to base a hot, sexy pirate character on him!

    The Comedian Edition
    Andy Dick vs. Carrot Top
    – Carrot Top: This is definitely the lesser of two evils. Andy Dick just terrifies me.

    The Annoying Talk Show Host Edition
    Rosie O’Donnell vs. Star Jones
    – Hate to go with the “squick” factor here, but at least Rosie has skills.

    The Why Are They Famous? Edition
    Paris Hilton vs. Nicole Richie
    – Nicole Richie: Far less crabby.

    The Rapper Edition
    Flavor Flav vs. Kid Rock
    – Kid Rock: Something about being thrown out of a Waffle House just miles away from me is a turn-on. (Kidding!)

    The Little Bit Country, Little Bit Rock n’ Roll Edition
    Lyle Lovett vs. Marilyn Manson
    – Lyle Lovett: He looks like he’d try just a bit harder.

    The Seinfeld Edition
    George Constanza vs. Cosmo Kramer
    – George Constanza: Only because I think he’s less annoying.

    The Billionaire Edition
    Donald Trump vs. Hugh Hefner
    – Hugh Hefner: I gotta go with the Heff.

    The “They Have the Same Name” Edition
    Howard Stern vs. Howard K. Stern
    – Howard Stern: I’d rather not be involved with someone as slimy as K.

    The Hollywood Edition
    James Woods vs. Woody Allen
    – James Woods: I think he’s pretty darn sexy.

  14. I love this game so much!!

    1. Ozzy–less STDs?
    2. Andy Dick–Carrot Top looks like a freak of nature!
    3. Star Jones–Ugh, I hate Rosie
    4. Nicole Ritchie–I kind of have a girl crush on her
    5. Flavor Flav–he’s totally a freak
    6. Lyle Lovett–hey, if Julia can do it…
    7. Kramer–no short, fat men for me
    8. Hugh-That one was too easy!
    9. Howard K. Stern–I can’t stand the other
    10. James Wood–Woody Allen is a pervert

  15. Wow, this one is much much harder than the last one, Kristabella.

    * Keith Richards, solely because I know less about him than Ozzy because of the reality television
    * Andy Dick, because I think he’d be uninterested in me and just roll over… seriously, this one was TORTURE
    * Rosie. I bet she’s a generous lover.
    * Nicole Richie, for sure. I kind of like her now that she’s a mama.
    * Kid Rock, I guess. I’ve done the white trash thing before and lived to tell.
    * Lyle Lovett, hands down. I don’t mind Julia Roberts’ sloppy seconds!
    * George Costanza, because I can’t get over Kramer’s racist rant
    * Hugh Hefner, but only so that I can hang out with Holly, Bridget and Kendra
    * Howard K. Stern, because maybe he’d tell me some dirt about Anna Nicole
    * James Woods, Woody Allen is nasty

  16. Excellent!

    Keith – After a 10 second pause, I realize I have no idea why.

    Andy – because at least we know he has a dick

    Rosie – because Starr Jones would be all “do me do me”

    Nicole – because at least she’s human

    Kid Rock – Frankly, I don’t know that I’d even have to have a gun held to my head.

    Lyle – good enough for Julia, good enough for me.

    Jason – I kinda like him. I love the needy.

    Hugh – because I would take one look at Donald Trump’s face and have to bash it in with the nearest fireplace tool.

    Howard K. Stern – he’s kinda cute, I dunno

    James Woods – ooh, piece of candy! ooh, piece of candy! ooh, piece of candy…

  17. 1. Keith Richards
    2. Carrot Top (check out the Gun Show, who knew?)
    3. Star
    4. Nicole
    5. Kid Rock
    6. Lyle Lovett
    7. Kramer (because I still imagine Jason Alexander the way we ran into him in LA–wearing a fanny pack)
    8. Hugh
    9. Howard K.!
    10. James Woods

  18. OMG these are so fun. You just made my day at work so much better!

    1. Ozzy – I like Sharon…so there’s got to be something there for her to stick around.

    2. Carrot Top – Check out the body! Just put a paper bag over his head.

    3. Rosie – Oh God…I just threw up a little.

    4. Nicole – I fear that if I picked Paris a video might leak and no one wants to see that.

    5. Kid Rock – As Joey on Friends said, Flavor Flav “makes me want to rip my own arm off just so I have something to throw” at him.

    6. Lyle – I feel like I’d be taking my life in my hands if I slept with Marilyn.

    7. Cosmo – George would try to hard.

    8. Hugh – I totally want to be a bunny!

    9. Howard no-K Stern – Maybe he’d buy me a Sybain.

    10. James – Yuck

  19. Oh, MY. This one is bad. You let us off lightly last week. Okay:

    1. Keith Richards
    2. Andy Dick
    3. *gags* um, *gags again*. Rosie I think. *gags*
    4. Nicole
    5. Kid Rock. Also a tough choice. They’re both awful.
    6. Lyle
    7. George Costanza
    8. Ugh… um, Hugh I guess, only because the Donald would lose against ANYBODY IN THE WORLD
    9. Howard K. Better lookin’
    10. James Woods. Better lookin’ also. But I’ve met him in person and he’s a gigantic asshole. Still, Woody is just not happening.

  20. Maybe you should have called this round the “Vomit Into Your Cupped Hands” Version?

    Keith Richards because, well, at least he’s not Ozzy
    Carrot Top, although this one was the worst of the bunch for me. It really made the “death is not an option” part seem unfair.
    Star Jones
    Based on those pictures alone, Paris Hilton.
    Kid Rock
    Lyle Lovett
    Kramer
    The Heff
    I guess Howard K. Stern, although they look very similar, no?
    James Woods

    Now I need to go take a shower. Grossness.

  21. OK

    I feel secure enuf in my manliness that I will post some thoughts on the men, since the women posted are so so un womanly. I mean, any of them naked, spread eagled with two beers would make me as for water.

    Kieth Richards should be cloned. Anyone still alive after all the drugs he has done and still pumping axes at his age NEEDS to be cloned. Along with Willie Nelson. In fact, make a joined clone between the two of them.

    Carrot top is just funny, no contest.

    Kramer is studly in his looks, yeah, he might spout of a bigoted tirade, but who hasnt.

    Hefner, well I would say that he has a charmed life, and he is tied with the “Donald” but Donald has great looks even if its the male version of phyils diller.

    James woods, no question.

    BUT
    for future considerations here are my fav male actors in no particular order: James Cain, Tommy Lee Jones, Benicio Del Toro, Kevin Spacey and Jack Nicholson.

  22. Oh my – – this is tough, and I probably shouldn’t have eaten lunch before reading this post!

    But here goes:

    Ozzy Osbourne – Sharon seems like a sharp woman, so there must be something that keeps her with him. And you can tell he really cares about his family.

    Carrot Top – Great body; but would put 2 paper bags over his head (in case one fell off)

    Kid Rock – Flav is just way.too.weird. Also, Kid is a ‘bad boy’, and I just like bad boys . . . 🙂

    Lyle Lovett – Hey, if he’s good enough for Julia, he’s good enough for me.

    Cosmo – but I would tape his mouth shut so I wouldn’t have to listen to him.

    The Donald – Hef just creeps me out!

    Howard K – At least it would be interesting – – the other Howard needs to man up and grow a pair.

    James Woods – I’m probably too old for Woody (I’m out of my teens!)

    I need to go lose my lunch now . . . 😛

  23. ewww….this is too gross. But for you, I’ll suffer through it.

    Ozzy- because he’ll pass out before it gets too bad
    Carrot Top- because I can put a hat on him
    Star Jones- because it’s less gross
    Nicole- because there’s less chance of a video emerging
    Kid Rock-ew
    Lyle Lovett- weird but not too disgusting
    Kramer- he’s crazy but I bet he’s good!
    Donald- less wrinkles
    Howard K.- less chance of me strangling him to death
    James Woods- he’s not too bad

    Now please excuse me while keel over

  24. This one is ROUGH! Last time was dreamy, this one will give me nightmares…

    Keith Richards-something about him is a little bit sexy
    Carrot Top-eyes closed, no talking
    Rosie O’Donnell
    Nicole Ritchie-who knows what Paris has crawling around down there
    Kid Rock-he can play a mean guitar
    Lyle Lovett-just because NO Manson NO
    Kramer-so self confident plus he got a lot of hot chicks
    Hef-he’s so old he may just forget and leave me along
    Howard K-I could not even get near radio Howard before the vomit started
    James Woods-he may be an ass but he wouldn’t dump me for my daughter

    Now I have to wash my brain out with soap *shudder*

  25. I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.

  26. I am sad at some of you for chickening out.

    I wanted to, as well, but I figure since it is my game, I should play. But let me just say Blech! before we begin.

    Ozzy. Because of Raven’s information about Keith’s lack of a dick. And because, well, look at him.

    Carrot Top. I know. It is sad and disgusting. But he has a nice body. And I have a paper bag for his head.

    Rosie.

    Nicole. Less STDs.

    Kid Rock. Because of Flav’s teeth. And he’s so damn skinny. And slept with New York.

    Lyle. At least we know he’s a man.

    Kramer. George is too short. And I have the fanny pack image as well.

    Hef. Because then maybe I could be his girlfriend and live in the mansion.

    Radio Stern. Because I don’t want to be drugged and die.

    James Woods. Like others, I actually think he’s quite sexy. Even if he is an ass.

  27. Oh this is just so wrong. Darren and I often play the “Who would you sleep with for a million dollars?” game. He balked at Madeleine Albright. I am blocking who I balked at.

    But anyways:

    Keith Richards (he’d be so out of it, I could drink enough to pass out and he wouldn’t remember in the morning. Hopefully, neither would I)

    Andy Dick (I don’t do angry looking carrots)

    Rosie (I think she’d be a hoot)

    Paris (Nicole Ritchie is…ewww)

    Kid Rock (anything is better than Flavor Flav)

    Lyle Lovett (because Marilyn Manson wears way too much makeup – I’d never get that out of the carpet. What, you don’t think I’d actually let them in my BED do you?)

    Kramer (George is too short)

    The Donald (despite the hair. Hugh squicks me out)

    Howard K Stern (Howard Stern squicks me out)

    James Woods, hands down. I do enjoy a man in a suit.

  28. 1. Keith Richards- I figure we can party together and there’s a likely chance I won’t have to go through with it!
    2. Andy Dick…uggh tough choice but I don’t want to see Carrottop’s steroid “dehanced” balls (sorry for the image).
    3. Nicole…will someone drive me to the hospital if her pelvic bone impales me?
    4. Kid Rock…I’ll take trash over fake teeth and jibberjabbering any day of the week.
    5.Lyle Lovett…I don’t do necrophilia nor men who wear more makeup than myself.
    6.George…I fear Kramer would be to spastic in bed for me to handle.
    7. Hef…the geezer can tell me some old timey stories before we get down to it, like back when milk was a nickel.
    8.Howard Stern…I’d be afraid that Howard K might keep me on a diet of trimspa and heroin AND then video tape me doing stupid stuff like dressing up as a clown.
    9. James Woods…Woody creeps me out.

  29. O.M.G. this week is TOUGH!

    1. Ozzy but only because I bet it’s a less chance of getting an STD. Plus, I could probably get away with just ‘saying’ we did it and getting him to believe it happened.

    2. Carrot Top. Again, I feel like Andy Dick is full of diseases, sorry. I would have to keep the lights off-Carrot Top’s arms freak me out.

    3. Rosie. I just vomited in my mouth a little.

    4. Paris Hilton- Birthday buddies! Plus. Nicole just had a baby and she has the cutest name so I don’t wanna ruin the happy family.

    5. Kid Rock. My mom would be so proud.

    6. Lyle Lovett- I think MM’s music is hotter, but I don’t want to find out if the rib rumor is true or not. And if he wore that weird boob suit I would cry.

    7. Cosmo- George sucks. HATE HIM. and he reminds me of an old roommate.

    8. Hugh- Hey, maybe I’d get to be on The Girls Next Door!

    9. Howard K. Stern- I loathe the DJ Stern.

    10. James Wood- Woody Allen is looking OLD and I would spend all night telling him just how much I hated Annie Hall.

  30. I think I just can’t do this. Just can’t.

  31. Am I too late? Too bad…
    Ozzy. I’m not sure Keith can still get it up.
    Andy. Carrot Top is just…ugh.
    Star. Rosie would just whine.
    Nicole. Less STD’s.
    Kid. Flav makes me cringe.
    Lyle. Marilyn wears more make-up than I do.
    Cosmo. His name is Cosmo. Nuff said.
    Trump. (see my explanation for Nicole.)
    K. Stern. THAT is how much I hate RadioStern.
    James. He’s kinda sexy in a weird old guy way.

  32. Ozzy
    Andy
    Star
    Paris
    Kid
    Lyle (have always had a thing for him, since Julia Roberts was with him…)
    Kramer (have you seen him take his shirt off on Seinfeld?)
    Hugh
    Howard K. Stern
    James Woods

  33. I hate you. And these choices. 😉 I gagged A LOT looking at these! Hahaha!
    Ozzy (even though he won’t be coherent)
    Carrot Top (I have a thing for redheads)
    Rosie (ACK!)
    Kid Rock (He’s, meh, ok)
    Marilyn Manson (Surely he’s got some hottness under that makeup)
    Kramer (SHUDDER)
    The Hef (I hope his parts work)
    Howard K. Stern (no witty comment here)
    James Woods

  34. yikes. you want selection of one of these yo yo’s?

    since i enjoy napping, i’d settle for the famous guy who wears bath robes to the office.

  35. I think this is the hardest yet (since I’m doing them all at once)

    Keith
    Andy
    Star
    Paris
    Kid Rock
    Marilyn (hey, he must have some good makeup)
    George
    Hugh
    Howard K
    James Woods

  36. Ozzy – because he amuses me.
    Andy – because carrot top frightens me.
    Rosie – because I think she’s grand.
    Nicole – because paris is dirty, DIRTY.
    Flavor – because I like his grillz.
    Marilyn – because he’s strange.
    George – because Kramer always annoyed me.
    Hefner – because the man is a genius.
    Howard(s) – because … neither. blargh.
    James – because he is fabulous


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