Posted by: kristabella | December 27, 2007

Rock Bottom. I Have Hit It.

I have absolutely nothing to write about. How did I make it through 30 whole days of November with something to write every day?

Oh, right. Most of it was crap.

Last night, I sat down, turned on the laptop and logged on, ready to write a blog post. And my mind was as blank as the page as I was supposed to write on. I turned to the Writing Fix website. The one that gave me the infamous post where I wrote a conversation between two people that was all questions. Candy loved it. Just ask her.

I thought it could give me a spark. Something to write about. Christmas was over. I am going to marry Nintendo Wii. You can start calling me Mrs. Nintendo Wii any day now. I’m thinking of selling my gift cards and turning them into cold hard cash to buy said Wii. Or forgoing food altogether. Because you know, I definitely need more excuses NOT to leave the house. My couch would be lonely. And that shred of social life that I have? There’s no need to desperately hang on to it.

The site gave me nothing. I think one of them was about a spice rack. And writing about someone I knew with a spice rack. Yeah. That would be about as interesting as this.

“I once knew a girl named Cindy. She got married. And registered for a spice rack. She doesn’t know what to use mustard seed for. And neither do I. And that’s why I don’t have a spice rack. Because I’m not married. And have a mustard seed prejudice. The end.”

And then there was one about writing about what my cats think. And I thought “I can’t sink any lower than conversations transcribed between my two cats. Who don’t TALK.”

Simba: Where is the human?

Kitty Kitty: What? Who?

Simba: The human. That tall thing that doesn’t have fur. The one that feeds us.

Kitty Kitty: Oh. She doesn’t like it when I eat her papers.

Simba: Why the hell do you do it then?

KK: It tastes like heaven. And then I puke in her shoes.

S: You’re stupid.

KK: Whatever. She likes me best. See how pretty I am?

S: Anyway, Tangent Kitty, where is she?

KK: Who? Oooh! Look! Something shiny! I’m going to chase it.

WHAM!

S: You’d think you’d learn one of these days. That is your reflection in the mirror. How many times do you have to slam into it head first to realize this? We’ve lived here for almost three years.

KK: (Rubs head with non-opposable thumbs in paw) Ouch! When do we eat? Ooh, what’s that shiny thing?

Wow. That was even worse than I thought. I thought at least part of it would be funny.

Or there was the prompt about the word rabies and what memories that word stirs up. And all I could think of was rabid raccoons. And The Office and Michael’s race to cure rabies because Meredith got bitten by a bat. And when will the writers stop striking? Oh and Lost premieres January 31. But that seems like forever and a day away. And I don’t want them rescued if Jack’s all crazy. Crazy like man with rabies that he got from a rabid raccoon! Or polar bear.

So yeah, I still have nothing to write about. My tooth feels a lot better. Still sore sometimes after I eat. Like when I forget the PAIN from last week and try to chew croutons and almonds on said sore tooth. (I know you were all wondering how I was doing.)

Work is booooring. No one is there. And sadly, it is a preview of what it is going to be like in a few weeks when there really isn’t anyone working there. Because they’ve all moved away or have been fired. And also, ASU is getting their asses handed to them tonight. We put the S-U in SUCK.

But since I’ve touched on spice racks, rabies and fake cat conversations, I’m going to go ahead and stop the bleeding. Before I write about what my invisible friends would look like and you start to feel the burning in your retinas. Because I care about the health of your eyes. So that you can come back to read. You know, when I decide to write something worth reading.

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Responses

  1. Just take two martini’s and try again in the morning. =)

  2. Well, after a week without KJ posts, I still found this one amusing.

  3. Long time reader, first time commenter. I guess that means I’m de-lurking myself today. 🙂

    What is it about this lull between Christmas & New Year’s? It puts me in such a wierd funk…

    But, I’m with alyndabear, anything is better than nothing and the cat conversation did make me chuckle. So you get bonus points for that. 😉

  4. I got Matt a Wii for his birthday, so you can come over and play whenever you want. 🙂 And we have guitar hero, which is so awesome. Although, last night my sister and I spent 2 hours playing old school Super Mario Bros. 3 that Matt downloaded on the Wii. It was awesome.

  5. I agree with Aly … I laughed. And, I’m so freaking zonked out at work this morning, I needed the laughs!

  6. I thought of you when Jon had the game on last night. I was all, “ohmygosh, I know someone who went there!” Sort of. 🙂

  7. I’m just thankful it wasn’t another “people talking in questions” post. Cat-think is better than that. Cat POOP is better than that.

    Love ya!

  8. The week between Christmas and New Years IS a really wierd, isn’t it – – just sorta “blah”.

    Liked the cat conversation though – – the part about the mirror reminds me of my cat Squeak – – she just can’t seem to get enough of looking at herself in the mirror. The expression on her face is like, “I’m SO beautiful!”. Or whatever that would be in cat-speak . . .

    BTW, I don’t know what to use mustard seed for either . . . 🙂

  9. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who has run out of things to say. I’m going to have to give Writing Fix a look and see if that can’t help things along.

    Glad your tooth is feeling better.

  10. Misery loves company…so good to read the comments about this god-awful week being full of “blahs”.

    Loved the kitty conversation!

  11. When I was about 15 I found mustard seed in my mom’s spice rack and thought I could make actual mustard by adding water. It tasted like crap.

  12. Actually, MSU puts the S-U in Suck. Damn Spartans.

  13. My latest post contains info about a child actor and teenagers in lucite heels, so really I had nothing to write about either.

    However, I found your post amusing! The cat conversation made me chuckle.

  14. Come drink with me, that should give you tons of random shit to blog about, lol.

  15. OMG …. LOL …. the cat conversation is hilarious….. only because — being the cat person that I am — it makes total sense and had me giggling quite a bit.

  16. I dunno…I thought the cat conversation was pretty funny 🙂

  17. You’ve really touched on a quite a lot with this post. And you’ve conjured up all sorts of memories for me (I need to buy more spices, I am still bitter at the holes in our ceiling from raccoons of our past and THE OFFICE I MISS YOU SO).


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