Cardtastic Christmas

I send Christmas cards. It started after college when we got free Christmas cards at the 49ers. And I figured “man, my family would LOVE to have a card full of football players! And it will cost me nothing!”

Then, back in 2003, while working a game late in the year, Dusty Baker showed up on the sidelines. Not really a weird thing, since Dusty was the manager for the Giants for many years. But after the 2002 season, months after the Giants won the world series, Dusty was hired by the Chicago Cubs to lead them to the promised land.

Enter KJ. Crazed Cubs fan. Enter 49ers team photographer. Who has known Dusty for many years. The end result?

This photo, with a shit-eating grin to end all shit-eating grins, led to maybe the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. “I should make this my Christmas card!”

And so it was.

Next year, in 2004, while out at Cubs game with my co-workers, drinking as many beers as I could get Kirk to buy me at Momo’s, I happened to look over across the bar and saw my most favorite Chicago Cub of all time, Mark Grace. And I flipped out. And thankfully Teri had ONE photo left on her disposable camera. And my second “KJ and sports celebrity” Christmas card was born.

(This was taken after I spilled beer ALL over my hand before I shook his. And before I passed out because I have NEVER been so nervous to meet someone and spontaneously make out with someone all at the same time. And believe me, the fact that his hand is AROUND MY NECK did not go unnoticed. I’m getting all fluttery just thinking about it.)

So then I was screwed in 2005. One, because about a month after I sent this card I got fired. And two, I didn’t run into any celebrities in 2005. So people were stuck with just a photo of me. In front of my new Chicago digs. I think this year I got the worst Christmas card reviews known to man.

In 2006, I was worried. Because people expected things from my cards. They sure as hell didn’t want another picture of me in front of the jungle that is the courtyard of my apartment.

Enter my friend Roger who used to work for the Bears. He asked me to work the Bears final preseason game of the 2006 season. (The one in which they went to the Super Bowl. Don’t for a second think that the two were unrelated.) I agreed because, well, they were playing the Cardinals so I could hang out with some of my buddies in the press box. And then it hit me. Bears preseason games are televised on the local NBC station. And none other than MIKE DITKA does the quite colorful commentary for Bears preseason games.

So my Christmas card was taken care of. And also, I almost passed out again. Because, dudes. It’s MIKE DITKA!

And then this is when it got out of hand. This is when my Christmas card list jumped over 100 people. And people were sending in requests to be added and NEVER TAKEN OFF my list. I felt a bit like Santa. And I have to judge who had been naughty and nice. Because for fuck’s sake, I am not made of money, and this gets expensive. Especially if the USPS keeps raising stamp prices.

I was ready to admit defeat in 2007. But then later in the year, my friend Sasha was coming to town for work. With the guy she works with quite frequently. And his name happens to be Jerry Rice. And right there I KNEW I had my card.

It was a good thing for two reasons. One, Jerry Rice got even more famous when he finished second on Dancing with the Stars. So not only sports people knew who he was. Two, since I knew him from our days with the Niners, it would be completely acceptable to ask him to “pose” in my Christmas card photo.

And of course, since he’s one of the nicest men ever (and quite handsome), he obliged. And so we have this year’s card.

I went overboard with the cheesy text this year.

I would have loved to send one to each and every one of you that read this blog. Because so many of you have been such great friends to me this year, even though most of us have never met in person. But I had to draw the limit at 140 cards. Because obviously you would have wanted to be included on future mailings as well. And this is why my list has gotten out of hand. And I of course love every minute of it. But there is always next year.

So Merry Christmas everyone! From Jerry Rice and yours truly!