So This Is Christmas (Eve)

I am not in the Christmas spirit this year. I’ve tried. But it hasn’t worked. I don’t want to listen to Christmas music. I don’t want to buy gifts. I have none of that yuletide spirit. December 25th is just another day of the week. And it happens to be a day off from work. Which to me is the best Christmas miracle of all.

Usually, I’m done with shopping pretty early. I usually do it all online so that I have it in time for Christmas Day and all wrapped and ready to go without the hassle of dealing with stupid people in actual stores. I usually pre-set the Christmas music station on my car radio and start listening into those good old holiday ditties at a reasonable amount of time before the holiday. (Read NOT November 1.) (Except Mannheim Steamroller. Because I hate their stupid songs without words.) I usually buy a tree. Or a wreath. Or a pine-scented candle. Something that says Christmas in my house.

This year? Not so much. I’m not sure what the deal is this year. One reason is my job. Because there was so much up in the air until the end of November and even still, I hesitated to think of the holidays because I was just worried about keeping my job. The second is money. I’m really tight on cash this year. And I’m not sure why. And that’s just depressing all around. Because I really enjoy giving gifts. And I always want to give very thoughtful gifts and gifts that people always remember. This year? I’m all about throwing $20 at my nephews and calling it a day. And Skyler is two, so if I chase her around the table for 10 minutes and spin her by her ankles, she’ll think that it is a good day. Plus she’s already smart enough to realize that any time spent with Auntie Kristin is a gift in itself.

And I know it shouldn’t matter. It isn’t about the gifts. Because Lord knows that no one in my family is struggling and is in need of anything. But I’m their Auntie and I’m supposed to buy them things. And spoil them. And it sucks that I can’t. Even though, seriously, a cardboard box would send them into a tizzy and not set me back much.

That’s probably only part of it. Nothing clicked with me this year when it started to get cooler and the lights were everywhere and the spirit was all around. I don’t know if there is really a reason for it. I must have ingested some sort of Christmas Spirit Repelling juice.

I am excited that Christmas is here. I’m excited to hang out with my family. Well, as much as one can be excited. I’m excited for the tradition of spending Christmas Eve over at my stepmom’s house. Because that’s always a good time. And there is always a lot of laughing. And this year a promise of candy cane martinis.

I’m not the Grinch. Or Scrooge. I am not a hater this Christmas season. I just didn’t fall heard first into all the holiday cheer. And I could care less about giving gifts and all the stresses that go along with this time of year.

I’d rather just sit around and drink mass quantities of alcohol. And eat some tasty food. Which isn’t really all that different from a normal day for me.

Plus by the time Wednesday rolls around, I’m not going to want to go to work. Especially after a whole week off.