So I’m fine. I’m back from the dentist and in less pain. AND! I didn’t even have a root canal.
No, apparently 9 times out of 10, unless there is an obvious abscess or some sort of infection on the root or under the gum line, the cause of this level of pain is usually a fucked up bite.
So it turns out I’ve had a fucked up bite. For about a year now.
See, I went in some time, a long, long time ago, and had a filling re-done on one of my top molars. Because I’m a grinder and most of my fillings don’t last that long. My teeth make it a goal at night to just grind down my other teeth or the fillings. And usually I’m wearing that stupid plastic night guard. But the nights I’m not, say when I’m passed out from
exhaustion consuming two bottles of wine in one sitting, my teeth take advantage and just start a-grindin’.
Anyway, I got this filling taken care of many moons ago. And apparently since that time, my bite has been fucked up. Like on one whole side of my mouth, the teeth were higher than the others. So to get ALL my teeth to touch, because apparently that’s what I wanted to do, have ALL my teeth touch when I bit down, I was constantly jamming and banging and putting a ton of pressure on the teeth that were too high.
Fast forward months and months later, and you have a very angry root and tooth. That is just TIRED of always being pushed down. Because it HAS NOWHERE TO GO! So it rebels. And it flares up. And it says “I’ll show you, owner of this mouth. I will show you what PAIN really is!”
And so he did. Tooth won. Because Tooth Owner (moi) was definitely in pain. The worst pain of her life. And she falls a lot. And gets lots of bruises. Tooth gained an even further victory when normal pain medicine was not working. So Tooth Owner got some Darvocet from the dentist the day before and finally got some sleep. Only to wake up after four hours still in PAIN. Tooth was happy. “Finally, she’ll get something done about this then,” Tooth said.
So asshat dentist today, who was quite a douche bag, filed down the high teeth and now Tooth Owner’s bite is back to normal. Supposedly. And already the pain is less.
Tooth Owner feels like such an idiot and a fool. Because it wasn’t even anything BIG that was causing her all this pain. It was a high tooth? Seriously? That kept her in the fetal position and lost her many hours of good sleep? What a freaking wuss! Don’t get too close! She might get hurt from the air! Because apparently her big talk of having a high threshold of pain is all poppycock.
It didn’t help that this was a different dentist today. And Tooth Owner clearly came in all nervous. Because of the pain. And the lady DYING. And Douchey Dentist did nothing to calm her nerves. He didn’t even introduce himself. He just went into asking questions, making Tooth Owner feel like a jackass. Like she WANTED to have a root canal. Like that’s what all the cool kids are doing these days. You know, dropping hundreds of dollars and wasting time strapped in a dentist’s chair with their mouths pried open. Yeah. That’s a good time, Douchey. Even though Tooth Owner’s Original Dentist said that if temporary solution didn’t work, she’d need a root canal. But clearly Tooth Owner doesn’t know what she is talking about. So go ahead and make her feel like shit, Douchey Dentist. She’ll remember to bite when your hand is in her mouth.
So now Tooth Owner has cried at the dentist twice. Once during her root canal 20 years ago. And once when some asshat Douchey Dentist made her feel like the world’s biggest fool. Because he obviously didn’t understand the PAIN she was in. And he just thought she was a big, old pussy. (He clearly thought this when he told Tooth Owner to take Darvocet only every SIX hours, not four. And Tooth Owner asked “so I should sit in pain for two hours then?” And Douchey Dentist replied, simply “yes.” And then Tooth Owner tackled his 400-pound body through the window out onto Lincoln Avenue for all to see.)
Tooth Owner is clearly done with this dental office. To think that this pain could have been AVOIDED if the Original Dentist had checked the bite after the filling she did. Or if Original Dentist had thought, back in November when Tooth Owner went in to complain about the pain, that maybe there was another cause to all this. And maybe Original Dentist could have saved the pain and agony on Tooth Owner.
But because she didn’t, didn’t even think of it, or do it right the first time, Tooth Owner will be taking her teeth elsewhere. Which is good. Because she doesn’t like the crazy-mean Eastern European hygienists anyway. Who probably wished they could have given her 40 lashes this afternoon with all her crying because TRY LIVING IN RUSSIA, CRAZY, SPOILED AMERICAN GIRL!