Posted by: kristabella | December 20, 2007

Fool Is Spelled K-J

So I’m fine. I’m back from the dentist and in less pain. AND! I didn’t even have a root canal.


No, apparently 9 times out of 10, unless there is an obvious abscess or some sort of infection on the root or under the gum line, the cause of this level of pain is usually a fucked up bite.

So it turns out I’ve had a fucked up bite. For about a year now.

See, I went in some time, a long, long time ago, and had a filling re-done on one of my top molars. Because I’m a grinder and most of my fillings don’t last that long. My teeth make it a goal at night to just grind down my other teeth or the fillings. And usually I’m wearing that stupid plastic night guard. But the nights I’m not, say when I’m passed out from exhaustion consuming two bottles of wine in one sitting, my teeth take advantage and just start a-grindin’.

Anyway, I got this filling taken care of many moons ago. And apparently since that time, my bite has been fucked up. Like on one whole side of my mouth, the teeth were higher than the others. So to get ALL my teeth to touch, because apparently that’s what I wanted to do, have ALL my teeth touch when I bit down, I was constantly jamming and banging and putting a ton of pressure on the teeth that were too high.

Fast forward months and months later, and you have a very angry root and tooth. That is just TIRED of always being pushed down. Because it HAS NOWHERE TO GO! So it rebels. And it flares up. And it says “I’ll show you, owner of this mouth. I will show you what PAIN really is!”

And so he did. Tooth won. Because Tooth Owner (moi) was definitely in pain. The worst pain of her life. And she falls a lot. And gets lots of bruises. Tooth gained an even further victory when normal pain medicine was not working. So Tooth Owner got some Darvocet from the dentist the day before and finally got some sleep. Only to wake up after four hours still in PAIN. Tooth was happy. “Finally, she’ll get something done about this then,” Tooth said.

So asshat dentist today, who was quite a douche bag, filed down the high teeth and now Tooth Owner’s bite is back to normal. Supposedly. And already the pain is less.

Tooth Owner feels like such an idiot and a fool. Because it wasn’t even anything BIG that was causing her all this pain. It was a high tooth? Seriously? That kept her in the fetal position and lost her many hours of good sleep? What a freaking wuss! Don’t get too close! She might get hurt from the air! Because apparently her big talk of having a high threshold of pain is all poppycock.

It didn’t help that this was a different dentist today. And Tooth Owner clearly came in all nervous. Because of the pain. And the lady DYING. And Douchey Dentist did nothing to calm her nerves. He didn’t even introduce himself. He just went into asking questions, making Tooth Owner feel like a jackass. Like she WANTED to have a root canal. Like that’s what all the cool kids are doing these days. You know, dropping hundreds of dollars and wasting time strapped in a dentist’s chair with their mouths pried open. Yeah. That’s a good time, Douchey. Even though Tooth Owner’s Original Dentist said that if temporary solution didn’t work, she’d need a root canal. But clearly Tooth Owner doesn’t know what she is talking about. So go ahead and make her feel like shit, Douchey Dentist. She’ll remember to bite when your hand is in her mouth.

So now Tooth Owner has cried at the dentist twice. Once during her root canal 20 years ago. And once when some asshat Douchey Dentist made her feel like the world’s biggest fool. Because he obviously didn’t understand the PAIN she was in. And he just thought she was a big, old pussy. (He clearly thought this when he told Tooth Owner to take Darvocet only every SIX hours, not four. And Tooth Owner asked “so I should sit in pain for two hours then?” And Douchey Dentist replied, simply “yes.” And then Tooth Owner tackled his 400-pound body through the window out onto Lincoln Avenue for all to see.)

Tooth Owner is clearly done with this dental office. To think that this pain could have been AVOIDED if the Original Dentist had checked the bite after the filling she did. Or if Original Dentist had thought, back in November when Tooth Owner went in to complain about the pain, that maybe there was another cause to all this. And maybe Original Dentist could have saved the pain and agony on Tooth Owner.

But because she didn’t, didn’t even think of it, or do it right the first time, Tooth Owner will be taking her teeth elsewhere. Which is good. Because she doesn’t like the crazy-mean Eastern European hygienists anyway. Who probably wished they could have given her 40 lashes this afternoon with all her crying because TRY LIVING IN RUSSIA, CRAZY, SPOILED AMERICAN GIRL!



  1. Kristabella I just found your blog and you are hilarious! Also I love your dark hair. My only problem is I went to the “other” ASU (the one that beat Michigan and just won our THIRD championship in a row!) so I keep getting confused about this Sun Devils thing.

  2. Sweetie! I’m so glad you didn’t have to have a root canal (well, yet, anyway). And that you’re in less pain.

    I heard about some guy that got tackled through a window onto Lincoln Avenue yesterday, but I really didn’t put 2 and 2 together until now. Hum. Good for you!

  3. You are not a fool. You were in pain like I’ve never heard you in pain before. It was very real, regardless of what the cause was. Tooth pain is unlike ANY pain.

    I’m glad you didn’t have to have a root canal, too.

  4. Fool i snot …snot? rofl! not* spelled K-J. It’s spelled stupid dentist who didn’t do their job correctly! In all honesty, I’m surprised your tooth didn’t start bothering you soon after your filling. Uneven grinding surfaces are a bitch!

  5. I thought I was going to have to have a root canal a couple of years ago. LOTS of agonizing pain, waking me up in the middle of the night, and I was practically living on Advil (my stomach was SO upset from all of that!).

    I went to my dentist, who is a DREAM of a dentist (when he says “pain-free”, he means it!). He told me that he could find nothing wrong with my bite or fillings, and referred me to a dental surgeon (another pain-free dentist – – maybe you should come live down here in Central Illinois!). He checked my tooth all out, and said that I did not need a root canal.

    So – – as we were trying to figure out what was causing all my pain, I mentioned that my family doctor had recently switched a medicine I was on, and he told me that may be the culprit. He had me contact my doctor about it; I did, and they switched me back to my former medicine.

    The pain WENT AWAY – – yes, just like that! It was unbelievable . . .

    I’m so glad I avoided the root canal, and I’m very happy you did also! 🙂

  6. YAY for avoiding the root canal, and BOO for having a douchebag dentist! So, I take it that it was a “no” to still getting an IV to roll around the cookie exchange?
    House of Jules

  7. Eeep. I have been putting off going to to dentist by saying that I’d just do it when I came home for Christmas, but…now I’m home for Christmas and I have yet to make an appointment. Glad you avoided the dreaded root canal!

  8. ugh, i feel for you. You are way tougher than I am–I have to get laughing gas just to get a cleaning and even then I cry. Seriously, there are so many red flags all over my dental folder. And rude dentisets should not be allowed–it’s too stressful even if they’re nice. I’m glad you’re feeling better though.

  9. Yay for not having a root canal! I’m glad that your tooth issue wasn’t super serious. And hey…who doesn’t cry at the dentist? I would have been more shocked if you didn’t.

  10. There must be a Douche Dentist Association because I think I’ve gone to a couple of their members.

    Glad you didn’t have go the root canal route though!

    Thank you for stopping by…you’re hilarious!

  11. Oh geez, this just proves I need to go to the dentist. I’m sure I’m jacking my teeth up with every day that passes.

  12. Aww man, going to the dentist is bad enough, but when you have a douchey dentist to deal with, that is just too much. You deserve to have pain free teeth and not getting a lecture to achieve that. Stupid dentist. And don’t worry, I have cried at the dentist on several occasions.

  13. How dare that dentist make you cry! ROAR. I am miserable for you – but really happy you didn’t need a root canal!

  14. This rant = totally justified! Dentists are sadists. I think they have classes on sadism in dental school.

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