Posted by: kristabella | November 24, 2007

Gateway to Rehab

Get it? Because St. Louis is the Gateway City. Isn’t it? Because the arch is the gateway to the west. Even though there is way more country west of the Mississippi than east of it. But the same philosophy applies to college athletics. Because God forbid a team west of the Mississippi were to be good. Because they’ll never get the votes. Because their games are on too late for old people like Lee Corso to stay up and watch. Because Lee Corso is an ass.

That’s all I have. Seriously.

I got in last night about 5:30. I made good time. Ate cheese popcorn. Stained my fingers. Got a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck on my tonsil. No. I did. And it was annoying. And I can only imagine what people on I-55 thought as the white Sentra flew down the expressway at 78 miles an hour with the crazy brunette driving with her finger in her throat. And she wasn’t even throwing up.

I left that to Rich. Because he started drinking at 1 and was trashed by the time I got there. And he must have added 10 more rum and cokes on top of that, so he doesn’t really remember anything past me getting there and LSU losing.

And then we tried talking football with the stupidest waitress. Who is convinced that Mizzou is number one now only because LSU lost. Keep in mind, the Mizzou/Kansas game hasn’t even taken place yet. And when we asked her about the Big 12 Championship game, she didn’t know and just said “we’re number one. LSU lost. See because, they were number one.”

And then my head exploded all over my French Dip sandwich. And I don’t like grey matter in my Au Jus.

So right now, I’m just recovering. I did finally change my clothes and showered. Rich is at the airport picking up the team. And I was put to work, checking on Mike Holmgren’s amenities in his phat suite. Complete with grand piano. And he gets a lot of booze. It’s good to be a head coach.

Maybe I should take a nap, seeing as the drinking is going to start in less than an hour.


What your glass of rum and coke looks like after you’ve had 12 and you’ve fallen off of your stool.



  1. good thing you’re here so somebody can let me know what i did the night before.

  2. Seriously? This is my kind of holiday weekend!
    House of Jules

  3. You fell off your stool? Good times. You’ll probably come home with bruises of no known origin.
    Have fun!!!!

  4. Well, it’s rough work girl but I am just glad we have a professional on the job! 🙂

  5. Loooove rum and coke. Actually, I like jack and coke more, but I’ll take either. Yes, please.

  6. I hope the Aggies were at least MENTIONED for beating UT. Obviously it means nothing in terms of anything, but hey, awesome game. 🙂

  7. Damn LSU and DAMN Kansas. They just gifted #1 to West-fucking-Virginia-MountainQueers.

    Oh, and damn popcorn kernel.

  8. I was so bummed out for you when I saw the score of the ASU game. 😦 I have this irrational hatred of USC, so I think that made it worse.

  9. I am soooo behind in blogs…sorry!

    I’m from STL. YAY!!!!!

    Hope you had a blast and didn’t harm yourself in the process of falling. 😉

  10. Hey! We need to cheer for UCLA next weekend, in addition to (of course) cheering for the Devils against Puke-of-A. If the Bruins can beat the Trojans and we can take care of b’dnaz, our ‘hypothetical New Year’s’ can still happen.


    In the words of the Great Jimmy V., Never give up… Don’t ever give up.

  11. HA! I had no idea one could get a popcorn kernel stuck on their tonsil, but it’s sounds pretty damn uncomfortable! Also, I have not drank a rum and coke since my freshman year in college when several of them made me THAT GIRL. Oh, the shame.

  12. oh geez, i’m hurting for you! can’t wait to hear the rest of the weekend.

  13. Hurrah for MU’s big win and the stupid waitress! Because I should care, see, since I have one and a part degrees from there. About MU, not about the waitress.

  14. It’s hard work having all that fun.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: