Posted by: kristabella | November 19, 2007

Is This The Lamest Post Ever?

Recently when IMing with Alynda, she pointed me to this website. It’s got writing prompts. For those days when you just can’t think of anything relatively interesting to write about. And when she sent it I’m sure my initial reaction was “whatever. Will never need this. Am full of ideas.”

Well, I’m full of many things. On any given day it could be wine, beer, Mexican food, shit and always snark. But ideas? I’m never full of them. And this WriteEveryDayForTheMonth thing is really starting to suck the life and creativity right out of me. Which again, I’m full of shit because let’s not pretend pre-November I was writing anything different.

So today’s random prompt generator gave me this: 

“Who answers a question with a question?  Write a fictional conversation between two characters or people you actually know.  The characters/people are only allowed to speak in questions.  How long can you keep the conversation interesting?” (I think you’ll be able to answer this question with “not long” once you get to the end.)

At first I was going pass it up. Because it is kind of as dumb as the Friday 5 and their craptastic offerings. But then I remembered that this party trick is one of my favorite skits on Who’s Line is it Anyway? Which? Is a question.

Scene: Solider Field on a Sunday during football season. Our two characters, Belinda and Farquar, are watching the Bears take on the Atlanta Falcons.

B: Who’s playing?

F: In this game?

B Is there another game?

F: Are the Bears playing?

B: Didn’t I ask you?

F: What?

B: Are those birds on their helmets?

F: Are they Eagles?

B: Aren’t the Eagles in Philadelphia?

F: When did you learn so much about football?

B: Didn’t you know I used to sell beer at hockey games?

F: What does that have to do with football?

B: Aren’t all sports the same?

F: So what team did you sell beer for?

B: Who is the hockey team in Philadelphia?

F: Do you actually think I know the answer to that question?

B: Why are we friends again?

F: Didn’t we just meet today?

B: Did we?

F: Didn’t we?

B: Did you hear that?

F: What?

B: Is that a fight song?

F: Did they just say they were the ‘pride and joy of Illinois’?

B: Who says that?

F: Are you kidding me?

B: What?

F: Did that just say ‘we’ll never forget the way you thrilled the nation’?

B: ‘With your T-formation’?

F: Seriously?

B: Are we winning?

F: Who are we rooting for?

B: Which team doesn’t have Rex Grossman?

F: The bird team?

B: What does the C stand for?

F: Charlotte?

B: Is that the beer guy?

F: What do you want?

B: Do they have Miller Lite?

F: You drink Miller Lite?

B: Do you have a better idea?

F: Is he out of Miller Lite?

B: What else does he have in that tray?

F: Are those kittens?

B: He has kittens in the beer tray?

F: Is that why he’s out of Miller Lite?

B: Would someone really ask for a MGD and a side of kitty?

F: I can has beer kitteh?

B: Do you go to that website?

F: Which website?

B: What is it called?

F: What were we talking about?

B: Were you just distracted by that hot chick in a bikini?

F: Who wears a bikini to a game?

B: Correction, who wears a bikini to a football game in Chicago in December?

F: Wow, how stupid is she?

B: Well, wasn’t her mission asscomplished?

F: What do you mean?

B: Didn’t we all just stop watching the game to watch her?

F: You think she might be in Mensa?

B: You think a bikini in December is genius?

F: You don’t?

B: What do you think?

F: I’m thinking I need something to eat, do you want something?

B: Are you buying?

F: Is that appropriate?

B: What do you mean?

F: Didn’t we just meet?

B: Do you have Alzheimer’s?

F: Can you get it before you’re 30?

B: You’re under 30?

F: Why?

B: How old are you?

F: Why does it matter?

B: Can’t you just tell me?

F: How about if I said I’m closer to 30 than 20?

B: How about if I gave you a knuckle sandwich?

F: What?

B: What?

F: Who says that?

B: What?

F: A knuckle sandwich, are you 75?

B: Don’t I look good for my age?

F: Do your boobs sag?

B: Like without a bra?

F: How would I know?

B: Didn’t you just ask?

F: Do your nipples hit your waistband?

B: Is that a bad thing?

F: What is the right answer to this question?

B: Are you serious right now?

F: What?

B: You actually think I’m 75?

F: Should I answer this question?

B: That depends, are you hungry?

F: Why?

B: For a knuckle sandwich?

F: Are you for real right now?

B: Do you know anything?

F: What do you think?

B: You really want me to answer that?

F: Can we change the subject?

B: Why? Are you scared?

F: Do you like Nelly?

B: The rapper?

F: Isn’t he from St. Louis?

B: In Missouri?

F: Is there another St. Louis?

B: I don’t know, is there?

F: Do you realize how irritating this is?

B: This conversation?

F: Would you punch me if I said yes?

B: Would you push me down the stairs if I punched you?

F: Would I get thrown in the stadium jail?

B: Do they have a stadium jail?

F: Shouldn’t they put Rex Grossman in there?

B: Why? Because he sucks?

F: Doesn’t he fumble a lot?

B: Wouldn’t you?

F: Isn’t he making a ton of money?

B: What’s that saying?

F: Which one?

B: Is it money makes you stupid?

F: Or is it money can’t buy you smarty pants?

B: Now you’re just making shit up.

Oh for the love of God this might be one of the worst posts ever. Maybe I’ll win a prize for stupidest NaBloPoMo post.

It. Had. To. Stop.

I’m going out after work tomorrow, so please, if there is a God, someone will fall. Or I’ll piss my pants. Or trip over the cats. ANYTHING! 

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Responses

  1. “I can has beer kitteh?”

    It was at that point I spewed wine on my laptop from the laughing.

  2. omg, you deserve some kind of award for that. not sure what, but sure you deserve something 🙂

  3. Dude… that’s longer than the Whose Line boys could’ve managed. Well done, girly!

  4. You got me really going with the Miller Lite & a side of kitty. Too funny. Laugh out loud funny.
    Thanks. I needed that today!

  5. That was impressive! Though if I were sitting behind those girls at a game, I would have to hit them in the back of their heads!

  6. “F: I can has beer kitteh?”

    Okay, I just snorted my coffee into my headset during a conference call. And that wasn’t even halfway through.

    Lame? Abso-fuckin-lutely not. You’re the Mensa member!

  7. Hahaha… What’s wrong with you? You’re funny without weeing in your pants!

    Well done, indeed!

  8. What? This is not the worst post ever. This is hilarious!!! I have been giggling in an embarrassing way and trying to hide it from my coworkers. Heh.

  9. The other women are just sucking up to you. I thought it would never end.

    Just KIDDING! You know you’re awesome 🙂

  10. this might be the best post ever. or you could have done us at the detroit pr meetings… $, K, B(artender), and i lerrve whose line!
    $: can i have a coke and rum?
    B: how many do you want?
    $: do you want one, or 10, kj?
    K: how many are you gonna have?
    $: i’ll have more than you, don’t you think?
    $: does this taste like whiskey to you?
    K: this isn’t rum, is it?
    $: do you think we should say something?
    K: what kind of rum is this?
    $: i think you served us jack, right?
    B: is there a problem?

  11. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  12. Wow, Mensa.

    That is a group name you don’t hear very often To hear it twice in one thread is agoggleing


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