Posted by: kristabella | November 16, 2007

What Rhymes With Toothpick?

Do the Friday 5 people know it is the month in which everyone is posting every day? The month in which we welcome memes, as stupid as they are, and anything and everything because sometimes it is hard to come up with something interesting to write everyday?

Well, Friday 5, if you knew that, why, WHY, would this be your offering for this week?

  1. Where is the nearest playground slide?
  2. What’s something you recently let slide?
  3. Who recently let slide something you did?
  4. Where is the nearest water slide?
  5. When did you last slide down a pole, a rope, or an embankment?

You are dead to me. I can’t even be snarky with shit like this. And I don’t even know where there are slides. Unless those slides go into a pool of vodka. Or you’re addressing my patience, which slid right on by this craptastic offering.

OK. I guess I could be snarky. Guess I am www.fullofsnark.com.

So I found this website that has these writing prompts. I actually found it pre-Shamalamadingdong when the writer’s block, it was bad. And I figured it is good to do a little research sometimes for ideas. I did this full well knowing that November was around the corner.

One of the prompts was to write a limerick. So I figured I’d try and come up with a few. And then, I thought I could take a page out of Amalah’s book, back in her early days. Do you remember the Haiku Smackdown? Well I do, because I’ve gone back and read every single one of her posts. Because the job with the dirt company? Was SO boring. But Haikus? Are just fabulously funny and insanely hard to do. And I thought we could maybe get some audience limerick participation. Or not. I just need to write something.

Anyway, I actually wrote a limerick at work a few weeks ago. We were talking about THE girl from Nantucket. (I don’t know how it came up.) And we couldn’t remember the limerick. Only remembering it was dirty. So I just made one up myself.

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who had so much work she said fuck it
So she called the day shot
Went out to the parking lot
And drank her wine from a bucket.

Or how about

While out traveling, I met this young lass
And whoo boy, could she shake her ass
So she learned to dance at a club
And on many laps she did rub
Including the priests who led Sunday’s Mass.

(This is way too much fun.)

I once met a man who sold trampolines
Who really liked to eat cans of refried beans
His stomach did grumble
Just in time to take a tumble
All the way inside to use the latrine

I just met a man named Steve
Who was constantly licking his sleeve
While quite a disgusting habit
I didn’t really make him stop it
Now in my bed, how do I get him to leave?

OK, one more…

I’d like to introduce my brand new life guide
On it all matters I use it to confide
My guide, his name is Bacon
My love for him is completely unshaken
Is it wrong to want to someday be his bride?

OK. Now it is your turn. Or not. It’s really fun to come up with them!

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Responses

  1. There once lived a man on the Beach,
    Who decided one day he should teach,
    This strapping young male,
    Was destined to fail,
    When Lolita would become his peach.

  2. There once was a girl from…. oh, fuck it!
    My limerick, I toss in the bucket!
    It’s weak and it’s lame,
    A pitiful shame,
    And screams back to me, “You suck, twit!”

    You’re right. It is fun! I hate waking up early.

  3. I know I tell you this a lot – but you are so insanely funny. HAHAHA!

    I wrote a Haiku for Magic once. I think that’s only Haiku I’ve ever written. Needless to say, it wasn’t very good. But limericks are just an excuse to write innuendo in rhyme! Awesome.

  4. A middle aged woman tried online dating,
    With hopes it would lead to mating,
    She met a quick wit
    Who wasn’t a twit
    Now spends all her time hyper-ventilating.

    I can hear you say “eeewwwwww”.

    Great post!

  5. Yay! Audience participation! I love it!

    I have been thinking in limericks since I wrote this.

    My name is Kristin and I’m a big sis
    I’m half Swedish and no parts Swiss
    I like to drink wine
    This blog here is mine
    And I wrote this just to ryhme Syphilis.

  6. There once lived two gymrats with hard pecks.
    They also had great big thick necks.
    Of course they had huge dongs,
    That were really quite long
    Which they used on each other for butt sex.

    God, I’m such a freak!

  7. I didn’t write this, but in the interest of sharing, here it is:

    There once was a man from Belgott
    Who feasted on vomit and snot
    When he could get none of these
    He partook of the cheese
    That hung from his grandmother’s twat.

    And I don’t understand haikus so don’t ask.

  8. This would require waaaaay too much brain power. My ears are bleeding.

  9. You should be a published poet!! I still have memorized the limerick I wrote with a friend when our sixth grade teacher got married:

    There once was a man named Ted
    Miss Satovitch he wanted to wed
    There was a kiss
    And now she’s not “miss”
    She’s Mrs. Arbeiter instead!


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