Posted by: kristabella | October 22, 2007

Celebration Aftermath

So Kristabella had a hell of a time celebrating on Friday. She decided to drink her weight in paper-labeled beer bottles and was comatose until Sunday morning. Which was good, because hungover Kristabella is such a bitch. And I’d rather not deal with her whiney ass. Because Jesus, woman! The 17 beers would explain why you feel the need to vomit one second and devour an entire pizza the next. And also why you think your brain is trying to escape through your skull in a battering ram kind of way. But that is just a headache. Take some damn Advil and sleep it off.

It was a really fun time. We had dinner beforehand, which included guacamole, which pleased us so. And we got a table in the front at Howl, which is a feat on most nights. Unless you get there at like 5 PM.

Some highlights:

  • There was a HUGE bachelorette party there. No, that’s not the odd part. The weird part was that there were 41 people in the group. And they were all old. And I imagine that will be what my bachelorette party will be like. When I’m in my early 40s.
  • The bride was obnoxious. I mean she was trashed, but I can imagine that she’s probably always annoying all the time. Because pretty much your true self comes out when you’re drunk. And I’m understanding why she’s getting married so late in life.
  • She carried around a giant inflatable penis with her all night. And kept doing inappropriate things with it. About bringing herself to pants wetting with her genius every damn time. “HA! I’ll put the big penis between my legs! And then, I’ll stick it by someone’s ass. NO ONE has ever thought of that.”
  • The whole penis thing at bachelorette parties is idiotic. There will be no penises at my bachelorette party.
  • I’m also a big fucking prude and the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable.
  • This group with Obnoxious Bride, they were drunk and kept bumping in to me. And NOT saying sorry. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m balance challenged when I’ve been drinking, but I’ll always apologize. I may spit on you and it might come out as “I’mmm sotthy.” But still. The gesture is still there.
  • I’m totally understanding what you meant now, Hot Librarian.
  • Someone thought it would be funny to invite a bunch of USC fans to my party. Kristabella was not amused.
  • Nor were they when I paid $10 to stop the piano guys from playing their fight song for ASU’s instead.
  • But some other ASU chick sought me out in the bar because she was so excited there was another fellow Sun Devil. Because we rule.
  • I pissed off some bitch who was a Texas alum because I said “does it bother you that your school isn’t even creative enough to come up with a new melody for your fight song? They thought no one would notice you just changed the words to ‘I’ve Been Working on the Railroad’?”
  • OK, maybe I am obnoxious.
  • But I apologized when I purposely hip-checked her with my large ass later in the night.

And photos!

kj-schwerer3.jpg

Everyone, sing along!

as-u.jpg

Even when I’m drunk, I know that I went to ASU. And how to make a U.

fiddle.jpg

This chick is awesome. She plays the fiddle on The Devil Went Down to Georgia. (Notice the pink inflatable penis on the piano.)

go-devils.jpg

The Trojan fans were nice. Not much you can say when the Devils are undefeated!

axl-rose.jpg

I THINK this is my Axl Rose impersonation during Sweet Child of Mine. Or I just crapped my pants.

mah-betches.jpg

Mah betches, Schwerer and Shelly.

The best part of the evening, though, was my ride home. I decided since it was late and Jenn, Jerry and Schwerer had quite a long drive, that I’d just take a cab home. So I did. And as per usual, I chatted with the cab driver. Who was a very cute, young guy. From Turkey. And his English sounded worse than I do after 17 beers at Howl at the Moon.

So what do I decide to do? I give him my number! AND I tell him I’ll meet him at Starbucks on Sunday.

Needless to say, I didn’t. And I hope he stops calling. Because I can’t even understand what he says on the messages.

Oh, and his name is Jengiz. Because I can’t make this shit up.

And Kristabella is so grounded. No more beers for her. Until next year.

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Responses

  1. Ha, sounds like a bloody awesome night!

  2. Sounds like fun..looks like fun (except for the pink penis….if you’re going to be a big inflatible pink penis at least be original..poor woman..wonder what the guy is like that she’s marrying…maybe she really needs that thing!!). oopss..did “I” say that?!?! πŸ˜‰

  3. No more beer? Mmhmmm.

    My friend got engaged a few years ago so Serena and I, because we did NOT want to have to play cheesy engagenment parties, threw her party. We figured if we were in charge then no stupid games would have to happen. Ooooh yeah! Best part of the night was when the bride, who is blonde and about 5’2″ forgot her ID and used my expired learners permit to get in. (I am brunette and 5’10”) Hahaha, awesome.

  4. OK First Happy Blogaversary
    Secondly chickie, 40’s is NOT old!!!

    Like the look of the new blog.

  5. Giving your number to cab drivers when you have inhaled the equivelent of the Pacific Ocean is never a good idea. But I commend you on the attempt.

    And, you are a brave soul. I’d never post a picture of myself where I’m either impersonating Axl Rose and/or crapping in my pants. Those I hade far far way.

  6. ahhhhh. new look. Wait, now I have to go read. brb.

  7. Okay, I’m back. No beer. Check. Wine only. Check.

  8. OMG… You and Turkish cab drivers!

  9. You did NOT give the cab driver your number! HA HA HA HA. That is hi-LAR-ious.

    And I likey the new digs!

  10. Love the pretty redesign!

    Um, geez. There’s no way I would have been able to keep up with that.

    And, Jengiz? We might have to consider that for Peanut. We’re really struggling with the boy names. πŸ™‚

  11. love the shocker!

  12. NO PENISES!! I am with you on that one. Fortunately, most of my friends feel the same way, so I usually avoid the bizarre penis paraphernalia part of the Bachelorette party. It’s so very unnecessary.

  13. Marianne – you totally have to!

  14. Why do I read your blog? It makes me so homesick for my young single days!! One of these days I am going AWOL and going out to the bars again (it will look much like the bachelorette party you were describing).

    The re-do on the design is quite fetching.

  15. You are great, I am still laughing. I’m laughing at your Friday night celebration and also the fact that I could hear myself saying almost everything you did! We always make friends with the cab drivers, I usually get on their nerves by changing the radio stations non-stop, but you challenged me with asking Jengiz on a date?!?!

  16. Okay, I’m so totally jealous. You and Hot need to buddy up and make a trip to the PNW. It was friggin 80 here today! 80! It’s October! Get with the program mother nature!

  17. Don’t apologize for being rude to Texas fans. Okay, so I shouldn’t think being rude to anyone is right, but it feels right to be rude to them πŸ˜‰

    Also, off topic, I noticed what I thought was a champagne bar in Chicago. Was I right? Did I see that correctly? If so, do you have a couch I can sleep on (and possibly my husband and dog) when we MOVE THERE TODAY.


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