Posted by: kristabella | October 10, 2007

Afraid To Miss Something

I read over on someone’s blog (I don’t remember who) a few weeks ago about how a lot of bloggers will apologize for not posting. We all do it. And this person mentioned it is kind of egotistical to assume people live to read your blog and absolutely reach jumping-off-a-bridge levels if for some reason you miss a day.

Well, maybe. But have we not established the fact that I’m a freaking attention-seeking famewhore? So YES! Of course your life ends when you see NOTHING from me on my blog.

Fine. My mom asked if everything was OK. And the Hot Librarian will be worried that I got taken away by Federal agents and have “disappeared” because I hate the national anthem and am NOT a terrorist.

Still here.

Actually, I went out last night with a sales chick from one of our facilities on the East Coast. She’s awesome. She was with the group with Winky and will be back in a few weeks. She and I are total BFFs. We are like the same person and get along so well. We’ll be friends for life. I heart her.

In the course of the conversation, she mentioned all the e-mails that have been going around to the group that is coming back in a few weeks. Things about jokes. And parties, etc. And “wasn’t that one so funny?” Now, I’m on this distribution list. Hell, I created it and am MASTER of the list. (Because, well, one needs to be MASTER of something.)

Well, I didn’t get any of these emails.

Apparently there have been some emails from a certain salesperson about him hosting a Halloween party at his house. And I wasn’t included. And I was fucking pissed off. And I don’t know why. I don’t even LIKE Halloween.

I don’t know what it is with me. I always have to be included. Even if I don’t want to go. But I can’t stand not being invited or not being part of the group. I’m like a damn two-year old who won’t go to bed because she’s afraid to miss something.

I know this is all the insecure part of me, probably worrying what will go on without me. Who will be talking about me? Why don’t they like me? And why wouldn’t you invite me? I totally rule and it wouldn’t BE a party without me. Why can’t I get over the fact that not everyone is going to love me and that is OH-KAY?

It’s good that this group is close and they exchange all these e-mails. It will help them in their jobs to have resources across the country that they can commiserate with or get advice for things. It’s why we do this training for two weeks, two months apart. And why we set up a distribution e-mail list.

But there will always be that part of me that hates that I’m not included and not one of the group. Because, well, I’m the girl from corporate and I’m not really part of the group. I’m not just an attendee.

And I am fun! I drink a lot! And make an ass of myself! And am downright hilarious, mother fuckers! AND! I buy drinks!

I know that week I’ll have a good time because there are a few people (like the girl I had dinner and drinks with last night) that I love to hang out with. And we’ll have fun, even if it is just a few of us. Or I’ll have just as much fun going to bed early and blogging. And slowly, I AM going to be OK with that.

Plus, really, do we need a repeat of the last time where I was getting the withdrawal shakes at 3 PM? Probably not.



  1. Just to clarify, they were using a work listserv to discuss a personal party that not everyone at work is invited to? Um, not cool. Yeah, it sucks that he’s having a party and being all exclusive (his party is probably going to be slow-motion lame) but why not just invite everyone from work, knowing most people wouldn’t just show up to a party they don’t feel comfortable being at and, hell, if someone comes you don’t partiularly love, who cares!? I get ya darling. I think that’s a little immature of him.

    I’d TOTALLY invite you to my party!

  2. Dude, I HATEHATEHATE being left out of things too. So I am feeling your frustration big time.

    Also, I eagerly await your posts each and every day, so you damn well better apologize, egotistical or not.

  3. Clearly, the guy who’s hosting the Halloween party is a beyotch. Sorry, but it’s true!

  4. Had to come visit since you told me you posted late.

    GROW UP, WINKY!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Don’t worry, I hate missing out on things too. I pretend it doesn’t matter, and then cry myself to sleep at night on my huuuuge pill-ah. (Okay, points to who gets the movie reference in that one, will love you forever.)

  6. I can totally relate. There was a group of people that no matter what I did I was always “just” outside the inner circle, always one of the last people to know about things and sometimes didn’t know things at all! Damn them!

  7. Oh, I totally hate being left out, too. To this day, I stay up soooo late, and I swear part of it is because I’m afraid I’m going to miss out on something.

    BOO to WINKY!

  8. you need to start worrying about other things, it sounds like.

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