Posted by: kristabella | October 9, 2007

Can’t Be Arsed To Do Much Of Anything

Sometimes I wish I lived in England or Australia. Or any of those other English speaking countries that aren’t in North America. Because they have cool accents. And their slang is just awesome.

The other night I was IMing with Alynda and she said she couldn’t “be arsed to do” something or other. And I’m all “did you just say arsed? Like is that the term for when you’re talking out of your ass? Because I do that shit all the time!”

Apparently not. Apparently, it means bothered. Like if you can’t be bothered to do something, you can’t be arsed to do it. Like I really need to do laundry, but I really can’t be arsed to do it because there is wine to drink and stairs to fall down. Or I should get my arse off the couch, but for reals, yo, I can’t be arsed to do it.

I am now adopting this phrase. And I think you should all try to work it into one conversation today. Even though when I tried it out at work the other day it doesn’t sound right. Because, well, a Chicago/Midwestern accent just doesn’t do it justice. But I shall prevail. Until I just can’t be arsed to do it anymore.

And this, my friends, is like the most exciting thing I have to write about. I think I hit my peak with the 201 Things. I mean, Jesus Christ, there’s not much you don’t know now. Although, I left my Sun Devil wedding plans out of that. That deserves its own post. Because the crazy is off the charts.

I just haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately. It started with the late Cubs games last week. (Which, really, maybe I should have just gone to bed and slept through that mess.) And then into the weekend. And drinking lots of wine. And having to take my car in for new tires. And THE HEAT! In OCTOBER! And sitting in traffic at 11:30 PM (where the FUCK are all you people going?). And have I mentioned THE HEAT? And then having to get up to like step on a damn scale. Which really, I can’t be arsed to do that. Because of my FAT ARSE.

And then last night with the Bears game. And thank God they aren’t always on that late. Noon is much better. And since they won, and in such dramatic fashion, we MUST DO VICTORY SHOTS! Past 11 PM on a Sunday night. Now there’s something I shouldn’t have been arsed to do. (No, I’m not going to stop.)

And then we must go to another bar and celebrate! Because bar we were at was too expensive! So we decided to drink the worst tasting beer I have ever had in my life. And I drink Old Style on a regular basis. There was a reason this beer was on special. Because it got all kinds of skunky. It tasted like what I would imagine the inside of a skunks arse would taste like. You know, if I like sat around wondering shit like that?

The Divorced Daddy thing is still the same. He acted no different. I did though. To be quite honest, he has this one friend and she’s super cool and fun. And I like hanging out with her. Like total BFFs. We exchanged numbers, so we could drink beers for Bears game on weekends when DD has the offspring. So now, the Sunday night games are not necessary.

But he was super, super flirty again. It happens more when he gets drunk. There was the instance of when he asked me, in front of the whole group, if I was sleeping over. Which then turned awkward for everyone involved. Including yours truly. Thankfully, he changed the subject fast.

I can handle hanging out with him. (I know. I changed my tune from a few weeks ago. But I just don’t like to be rejected by someone clearly inferior.) I don’t think I really liked him that much. He was nice. And nice is good. Oh, and all the flirting told me there was something MUTUAL. So I attempted to give it a shot.

But now that it’s purely a friends thing, I’m not going to flirt back. You can’t have your damn cake and eat it too. And I’ve just decided he’s a huge tease. It’s why all his friends are chicks. It makes him feel better as a person. Probably because he’s divorced and feels like less of a man. Either that or he got ditched by the ex. And he’s trying to prove to the world that he can have all these good looking women. Um, too bad that you’re not dating any of them. And none of us are stupid enough to put up with your games.

Did I tell you I got my therapist’s license in the mail last week? I nailed that mail order course!

And when I was tipsy last night, it seemed like such a good story. All the flirting! And the texts! And the things he said! Out loud! But really? Who the fuck cares? I’m on to his game and I can’t be arsed to play along. But I like having people to watch games with in the city. People who like football. And beer. And VICTORY SHOTS!

Because that’s about all I can be arsed to do.



  1. Me and my blatant (and sort of rude) Aussie-ness, we are taking over the world, one arse at a time. That sound completely naughty…. I love it!

    Yay for new friends to drink with! Shots on a Sunday night? You are officially my hero. I think DD does NOT deserve the cake.

  2. I think that after we meet up in Chicago, you need to come to Ann Arbor. To do shots. In my living room.

  3. I try to throw bollocks into my conversations as much as possible. It usually falls incredibly flat.

  4. I’ve been trying to work “arse” into the conversation today. My favorite is “gobsmacked”….I say it a lot whenver I read a book by a British author who uses the word.

  5. There are just some words that you love, expressions other people or expressions from other countries. I couldn’t get my arse moving this morning and then I was arsed if I cared! I love gob-smacked..and hey I just looked up and say that Mahnee likes that one too!

  6. I went to a new restaurant in my neighborhood this weekend. It’s supposed to have a Midwest theme. They serve Old Style, amongst other brews. The bartender mentioned they had to find their own distributor to get that stuff in Seattle.

  7. I don’t have any words, but I have (inexplicably) taken to yelling “you got SERVED!” at this one guy at work.

    Keep that therapist hat on whenever DD is around!!!

  8. I stayed up late and became very depressed when I noticed the Yankees weren’t going to dig themselves out of the hole they were in…The only thing that could help pick me up this week would be picking up a hip, new accent, or at least stealing the fun words you are talking about and saying them to my husband as many times as possible. Ur the best! Thanks! Haha.

  9. Like I always say, thank God for the Aussies (and Oz)… K-bella, when are you taking a trip Down Under? You’d love their footy (football) and beeah (beer).

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