Posted by: kristabella | September 27, 2007

Quite Possibly My Last Book Club Invite

Oh My God people. I need to stay away from the wine. Far, far away. And maybe get some damn self-control and realize that just because there is wine, it DOES NOT mean you need to drink it. And maybe eat something more than a few pieces of bruschetta, some veggies and three noodles from a pasta salad.

So last night was our book club get together. I didn’t even come close to finishing the book. That was a first. I am having a hard time getting into this book. The author kind of sucks.

As per usual at book club, there were mass quantities of wine. And oodles of yummy treats. And I never eat dinner before I go. Because there is always a ton of food. That is a hell of a lot better than anything that I could cook myself.

Well the problem is that as soon as I get to book club, there is a glass of wine in my hand. And I’m usually well into the first glass before I start munching. This is NOT a good equation. So usually I’m pretty damn drunk. And most of the book clubs are within walking distance to my house. Which means YAY! Must drink more!

I’ve been going to book club for almost 2 years. I love it and have made some really good friends. We have a blast and every time we always say we should hang out more than just once a month to talk about books drink. But now that I’m not the new girl and close with these people, the real KJ comes out at book club. And the REAL KJ is a raving fucking lunatic with a drinking problem.

Last night took the cake. Because apparently I fell. HARD. Because I’m sore as hell. And I’m still finding bruises. Oh, and one more small thing. I DON’T REMEMBER IT HAPPENING! At. All.

Michelle stayed over at Casa Kristabella last night because she, too, had too much of the sauce and couldn’t drive home. And when I woke up this morning, still fully clothed in what I was wearing to book club. With my purse right next to me. And my alarm blaring in my head for God knows how long. Wondering why the fuck I was getting up so early. And why is it so dark? And oh, right. You have to be at the fucking hotel, jackass. In like 45 minutes.

I had this entire conversation out loud. Totally forgetting that Michelle was out on the couch.

As we were walking to my car I mentioned “ow. My hip kind of hurts.” And she’s all “because you totally fell, dumbass.” And I had flashes. Very embarrassing flashes. Flashes of something a 30-yeard old woman should not be doing. Drunk and falling so belongs in your 20s. I remembered that I fell. And I think I laughed. And I vaguely remember that when it was happening to me it was like happening in slow motion. Because I’m a big damn girl. So it’s like a fucking Redwood going down.

But that? Is all I remember. Michelle broke a glass. There were other people there. And we TOTALLY overstayed our welcome. And I’m sure Jess will not be inviting me back ANY time soon. Because she probably has a KJ-shaped hole somewhere in her apartment. Because I don’t even remember WHERE I fell or if I took anything with me on the loooooong way down.

I’m totally driving to the next book club. Because I do NOT need to be drinking. Ever. Again.


In other news, apparently Divorced Daddy is the world’s biggest douche bag. Because he sent me texts and emails yesterday. Inviting me to a free Beastie Boys concert tonight. I said a big fat “hell to the no” to him at first. But then this morning was all “that could be fun. And I can bring a friend. To witness the MIXED MESSAGES.” Well, Michelle was out. Because she felt like I felt. Minus the falling and bruises and the swelling.

So I decided that I was going to ask Salesboy Formerly Known As Winky (SFKAW). Because I was bored in the training today and emailed him. And I apparently was still Goddamned drunk, seeing as I accepted the concert invite from Baby’s Daddy and freaking asked out SFKAW. What are these cojones? And where did they come from?

First, I was teasing him about something and was finally like “did you get my package?” (Because my good prank? Got NO damn response.) And he was all “yeah. I didn’t feel it deserved a response.” So I told him I thought it was hilarious. He did not agree.

And then I invited him to the concert. Asking him if he was even old enough to know who the Beastie Boys are. Because I figured the best thing to do was not only show up at the concert where Divorced Daddy was going to be, but to show up with a guy! Who was funny! That I was clearly going to flirt with. In a totally over the top fashion. Because that is not infantile at all.

But SFKAW couldn’t make it. He had a hot date or something. And probably didn’t appreciate me calling him a baby and going on and on about how I’m a shriveled up old spinster.

I didn’t go. Because I’m 30 and CANNOT drink like I used to. It took a full damn day to recover from last night’s debacle. In fact, I’m still not 100%. So yeah, no concert for me.

Mostly because I don’t like Divorced Daddy. And I could take or leave the Beastie Boys. Although they probably put on a good show.


And finally, look what came in the mail yesterday! (No, not my DGM shirt. Which yes, I was secretly hoping was in this package.)


I know what you’re thinking. You got a Robbie Gould jersey? He’s the damn kicker! (Actually, I know that 99% of you were not actually thinking that. Or even know/care who Robbie Gould is.)

No, silly. I live in the damn past. Because in addition to this, I just bought a Ditka shirt on Sunday.


Money well effing spent.



  1. Oh, you make me laugh.

    Also, SCORE, I’m still in my twenties for a couple of years and now I know it’s officially okay if I get drunk and act like a douche. And if anyone asks what my problem is, I’m quoting you. FYI.

  2. Awww man, I leave early and I miss all the fun! How exactly did you fall? Did you trip, or just lose your balance?? 🙂 Don’t worry, I think we were all a little tipsy that night!

  3. Hm. So, when I’m there next month? What? We drink beer? Or vodka?

    Just make sure the extra blankets are on the couch. I’m so not sleeping on the drooly pillow.

  4. Book Clubs are dangerous, drunken debaucheries. They just are. Mine has become more tame now that two of the members have spawn… I mean babies… but I’ve definitely had out-til-4-am nights because of book club!

  5. Am never drinking again.

  6. Wow. That book really must have sucked.

  7. Your book club fall brought back memories of the 2000 Rose Bowl… and your Pasadena tumbles. 😉

  8. hahaha! this may be the funniest blog in a while. hey, i know we just saw each other a couple weeks ago, but i think we need to meet up soon and have a drink, or 20.

  9. Game playing is so high school. If you were gonna waste the tickets on that, give them to me. I like the Beastie Boys (not counting To the 5 Boroughs).

    And yes, she’ll invite you back. It’s what friends do. She’ll just make sure to drunk-proof the apartment next time. 🙂

  10. You can come to my book club instead, how’s that?

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