Posted by: kristabella | September 12, 2007

Kids Say The Darndest Things

No, this is not a post about how the Divorced Daddy introduced me to his daughter and she called me her new mommy.

Because if that happened, you’d see a Kristabella cutout on his front door (a la Tom & Jerry) as I ran for the hills. Not, not The Hills. I hate Heidi and Spencer too much. Although, it is nice to see Heidi actually dressing like she’s going to work. And not the gentleman’s club down the street.

Actually, this post is about funny things kids say. My brother has recently told me some high-larious stories about things my almost-two-year old niece has said of late. And they are too damn funny to not share with the rest of the world.

My niece Skyler, she of walking around in just a diaper and Auntie’s flip flops, was a very early talker. And much like her Auntie, once she started, she has not shut up. Which makes it absolutely hysterical because she’s a damn parrot. She repeats just about everything. Everything within the realm of a two year old’s vocal capabilities.

At one point, her favorite movie was The Little Mermaid. (Which? Good choice.) So when you asked her about Ariel, she’d be all “Ahh, ahh, ahh. Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh.” Like that one song. I think you needed to hear it. It was funny. Take my damn word for it.

One weekend when I was over there, the oven was on and my sister-in-law told her to stay away because it was hot. And she was all “it’s hot.” Which then made me teach her to walk around saying “that’s hot.” (I also taught her to say “Awwwww, snap!”) (You parental types might want to keep me away from your chilluns.)

Like every kid in the freaking world, my niece and nephew have Crocs. (Which are also worn by adults, like Divorced Daddy, but don’t get me started on that.) But when she sys it, since she’s not yet two, it comes out sounding like “cocks.” And because she’s again just like her Auntie and doesn’t know any level besides LOUD, it always comes out as “COCKS!!!!”

So she’s in a store with my sister-in-law and they happen to pass some Crocs on display. And she just starts yelling “SKYLER’S COCKS! COCKS! NOAH’S COCKS! COCKS!!! COCKS!!” And it is clear as day what she’s saying.

Last week in church, during the Homily or sermon or whatever, the priest was talking about a story of a hermit crab and a rooster. And every time the priest say rooster, my niece, not so quietly, yelled in quite a high-pitched voice “cock-a-doodle-dooooooo!” Every. Time.

And then a few weeks ago, again in church, they were all sitting close to the front, pretty close to the priest. And the Father was doing his thing when he blesses the bread and the wine before Communion. (I have no idea what this is called. And I’m Catholic.) Anyway, those of you who are Catholic, know that this is a very quiet time. Everyone is waiting for the damn bread so they can skip out the door right after Communion.

Anyway, as the Priest says “Take this all of you and eat it…” my niece, the parrot, decides to yell loudly, “EAT IT!”

Which turns my brother and sister-in-law and quite a few others into Giggle Monsters.

I mean, how could you not? This is why I can not be a parent. I would so make it worse. When I get the giggles, I can. NOT. STOP. It is a good thing I wasn’t with them.

But she’s just so damn cute, it is freaking impossible to not encourage it.


I can has cuteness?


Whose me? Yes I are cute. Kthxbai.


Oh noes!!1! Mine shampain glas are emptee!

(And finally, on a completely unrelated note, I want to wish Rich a HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY! And this is your damn present.)



  1. Toooo funny. And thank goodness she didn’t decide to start about “cocks” when the priest was talking about the rooster. Because, y’know, THAT would have been what you or I would have done! ;-D

  2. Way to Funny! Gotta love those little kids. Mine had fun with the word Pumpkin of course it was Funkin (not so much emphasize on the first n) And always in a store in front of people. NICE!

  3. OMG… I think your niece could star as Pearl’s sassy sidekick in the next Will Ferrell / landlady video!

  4. Skyler is the cutest… You crack me up. Divorced D wears Crocs? We have to talk. Just don’t be talked into trying them on again, K?

  5. OMG! I’m having a fit of the giggles right now! That is the FUNNIEST!

    Thanks for making my day better!

  6. HAHAHAH! OMIGAH! You kill me! I would love to see a tiny, beautiful, little girl say “Aww snap!” That’s so much funnier than swearing. Or is it?

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