Posted by: kristabella | September 4, 2007

And I’m Still Alive

Yes, internet, I am alive. I did in fact survive KJ Palooza and have therefore lived to see my real 30th birthday. Although it is still 10 days away. And I am going to an event at the race track on Saturday that involves four hours of open bar. And I may streak the track and get trampled by the horsies.

So yeah, 30th fake birthday party. Lots of drinks. No really hilarious stories.

Actually it was basically, booze, booze, booze, pizza, booze, wine, booze, booze, boat cruise, pictures, booze, sunny days, booze, Michigan lost, booze, booze, to a I-AA team, booze, 32 ounce special, booze, booze, booze, laughing, booze, booze, the other ASU, booze, booze, calculator, booze, booze, eight beers, booze, booze, fancy party dress, booze, booze, dancing, booze, booze, Cubs game, booze, booze, booze, Alphabet Game, booze, booze, laughing, booze, there’s no city named Queso?, booze, booze, Murphy’s, booze, booze, Sluggers, booze, booze, more dancing, booze, bagels, booze, cupcakes, booze, booze, napping because am old now, booze, booze, sexy toes, booze, Superbad is an AWESOME movie, booze, booze, tater tots, booze.

The End.

Surprisingly in an un-Kristabella like fashion, there weren’t too many crazy stories. There were many adult beverages had. There was lots of laughing. A dance floor full of sexy beeatches, including one lesbian, and a good time had by all.

But thankfully no one stepped on my foot without my remembering. I was not burned with any cigarettes. And I sent no inappropriate drunk texts.

My God! I’m turning into a fucking grown up! When the hell did that happen?

It was actually one of the best weekends of my life. And by far one of, if not the, best birthdays. And I have had some doozies.

Friday was actually pretty chill. I picked Julie up in the mess that is known as O’Hare Airport on a Friday night of a holiday weekend. Random of all random, Julie actually sat next to a guy on the plane who was best friends with the owner of the bar where I had mah partay. We were destined to have a good time. Fate (and Northwest Airlines) said so.

We just chilled at home on Friday night, resting our old bones for the weekend of drinking that was about to begin. Getting our drinking shoes all gussied up and ready to go. And if you believe that, you probably also believe that gullible isn’t in the dictionary.

We did stay at home. And we ordered pizza. And drank two bottles of wine.

Saturday I got us tickets for the Chicago River/Lake Michigan architecture boat cruise. If you’ve never taken this, I HIGHLY recommend it. I have gone on it twice and learned something every time. Chicago is just a great effing city!


Good thing the awesome skyline distracts from my fat arse and unwashed hair.

And the reason I love Julie and why she’s my BFF is because in an email exchange before she got here, she says “hey! College football starts this weekend! Let’s go sit in that bar in Millennium Park and drink beers and watch football.” Could there be a more perfect afternoon in September? No! Football? Good. Beer? Gooooooood.

AND! They had $9 32-ounce Bud Lights on special. Of which we had three. Before 5 PM. Which made us so drunk we had to get out the calculator on the cell phone to figure out how many beers we actually consumed. Because after 96 ounces of beer, simple math goes out the damn window.

EIGHT BEERS! In like TWO HOURS! And MICHIGAN LOST! To the OTHER ASU! A I-AA school! Could it be a more perfect afternoon?????

(By the way, that’s about how we were talking too. LOTS OF CAPS!!! LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!! Lots of YELLING AT ANYONE IN A MICHIGAN SHIRT!!!)

So yeah, I was drunk before I got to my party. And it was my party, I’ll get drunk on 96 OUNCES if I want to. See?


I had an awesome time. Looked hot in my dress. (Not really. Could my face BE any fatter? Maybe I need to have surgery because I think I have the mumps or something. Maybe a full facial goiter. Jesus woman! Lay off the booze!)

And then apparently decided to flash the camera my bra at some point. Well it was a New Orleans type bar. And they did have beads. When in Rome.

We got kicked out of the upstairs around 11 and made it downstairs to realize they had a DJ. And that was all we needed to take over the make-shift dance floor. Which meant I decided to act 22 and drop it like it’s hot. And my old-lady legs are still recovering.


WineBook Club betches unite!


Apparently we’re practicing our best bend and snap! move.


Sthee? Wine turns my tongue purple. And wear some sunblock next time, jackass.

Sunday was the Cubs game and I had SO much fun. My brother and sister-in-law came out, sans kids, and we had a blast. I’ve never gone out or partied with them together. We’ve had a few drinks at their house, but never when they had no responsibilities. At least for the time being. You know, until they got back to Grandma’s and had to be adults again.

And boy did they party it up! It was so much fun! Kim ordered a Mai Tai (we’re Midwesterners. We don’t have many options besides light or regular for booze at baseball games.) And it was STRONG. She let it sit most of the game until the ice melted. And to get her to finish it, she and I played the Alphabet Game. You know, like the one from the Cosby Show? Where you have to name towns that start with each letter of the alphabet?

Yeah, sounds easier than you think. I’ve actually never played it while drinking. Your damn mind goes blank and all you can think of are state names or countries. Or in our case, you damn near convince yourself that there is a town called Queso and one called Xylophone City.

Or maybe we both just wanted to chug-a-lug. Drink β€˜er down!


My brother. Who found the Alphabet Game highly entertaining. And also has made me never forget there is a town in Illinois named Quincy.

Monday was very low key. Julie headed back to the Land of 10,000 Lakes. And I hung out with Amber, who is a member of the National Champion Gaelic Football team. Congrats to the Seattle Gaels! And since we both tied one on on Sunday, it made for a very low-key Monday. Because we are both old now. And after walking to lunch and back, we were in desperate need of a nap.

And then we got wild and crazy! And went to see a movie! We saw Superbad. Which, I’m telling all of you, is like the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time. Fucking hilarious! Go see it! Cause I said so!

And it really was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend. And I was so glad that she stayed the extra day to hang out.

And really, I should give up booze. You know, until the open bar on Saturday. And my real birthday in 10 days. Look out Arizona! Here comes the K Train!


All aboard?



  1. Okay, ah) I love your top!, buh) you make the best faces, and three) you crack me up. It looks like you had a great time.

    Happy ALMOST birthday!

  2. A-State, baby!

    And as you reminded the punchy Michigan fan at the outdoor bar at Millennium Park, (in caps, after 96 ounces) ‘YOU LOST IN THE BIG HOUSE! There’s no excuse!’

  3. Looks like you had a great time. So, rest up this weekend, because next weekend will be another three days o’ drinking!

  4. Yep, next time, I’m definitely partying with you. And by the way:


    Remember this Sunday ->


  5. You looked fantastic all weekend!! Your sexy-30-year-old-legs drop it like its hot better than anyone I know!

    P.S. I was not the lesbian at the party πŸ˜‰ But sure sound like I am hitting on you, eh?

    P.P.S. I do have a picture of the lesbian.

  6. Swear to God, when I first saw this, I was like, “Who’s that? Wow, that friend of Choi’s is in a lot of pictures” Didn’t recognize you with the dark hair. πŸ™‚

    Sorry I was at my best friend’s bachelor party over the weekend. Obviously nothing personal. If you’d known me since I was 5, I would have had to flip a coin. I guess I might have skewed the ratio anyway.

    Oh, and I wouldn’t be calling anyone Winky if you’ve never heard the infamous Winky the Clown joke. (The punchline is physical, which is why I’ve never written it). Unless you mean to imply that about him.

  7. What? You look HOT. Love the dress, the hair, the wine tongue. You look like a great person to go out on the town with.

    Happy happy belated. πŸ˜‰

  8. Sounds like an AMAZING birthday weekend!! Minnesotans can make anything fun. We rule.

    The dress is SO adorable.

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