Posted by: kristabella | August 28, 2007

Hey Fall! Where The Hell Are You?

I was going to write something very interesting and profound this evening. You know like a whole fucking post about a guy who winks at me that I have a crush on. Or about my cats. Or about George Wendt and beans. Because that is good shit right there.

But you know what? It’s fucking hot. AGAIN. Yes, I’m sorry to all of you in other parts of the country where it is/was hot for-evah. And I should be thankful for the breaks we had and the rain. Holy fuck, the rain of the apocalypse. Where is Evan Almighty when you need him? We could have used an Ark.

And I think it was hot last week. Being drunk almost 24/7 makes me not remember. Oh, and all I can remember is that I thought we were all going to die in the STORMS! Storms that broke old, old trees in half. Nay, snapped in half. And sent it into someone’s second floor of the house. (I don’t lie. Happened across the street.) (Did I just say nay?)

Actually, I remember it being really hot at least two of the days. But I was staying in air conditioning, so I did not care. And now? Am back in my damn hot apartment. Must I remind you about the candles?

So instead of something thought provoking or funny and seemingly interesting, I’m just going to tell you the random things that go through my mind throughout the day. Because I write them down. Mostly because all the booze has made be all kinds of forgetful.

  1. Ha! I switched it up from bullets to numbers. Fooled you!
  2. I looked at my spam comments today and I got a lot of spam about fly fishing. Is that because I talked about Winky and how he likes to fish? Or is it the Akismet spam filter telling me that Winky and I are meant to be? Like, maybe it’s kismet or something?
  3. OK, that was pretty witty. If I do say so myself.
  4. Which I will. Because I can.
  5. And now this is just thoughts of what is going on in my brain at this very second. It’s scary in here.
  6. People. PEOPLE! (Just wanted to make sure you were still with me.) Why have we not discussed the magic that is ballet flats? And why I have revolted against said shoe for so many seasons? Because I like to shove my tallness in people’s faces with my heels? (Not really, heels are fun.) Dudes! It’s like wearing slippers to work. Until they allow flip flops, this will be the way to go. Am in love with these shoes.
  7. They also help when you have a bruise on top of your foot and anything touching it makes it hurt. I’m talking hurt like the hurt of having your nipple in a vice. Like a bruise the size of Rhode Island. (I’m tall. I have big feet.) A bruise that you have NO idea how you got. For the love of Christ, it looks like someone stepped on me! With the weight of 1,328 elephants! Woman, how on Earth do you not remember someone stepping on your foot? (Anyone out with me on Friday who may know the answer to this question would provide very useful.)
  8. It was probably Jenna York.
  9. You know what else is a sign that you were far too drunk for an entire six days? You have not one, but two (TWO!!) cigarette burns on your elbow. Fucking inches from EACH OTHER.
  10. I’m seriously considering rehab.
  11. I do remember some old dude buying me a beer. Maybe he stepped on me and/or burnt me.
  12. God, I’m easily bought off.
  13. I think I like the numbers better.
  14. Do any of the ladies out there (holla!) think it is so funny that we are all so apologetic. Like today, walking out of the bathroom, I opened the entry door (no, not the stall door) at the same time as someone was coming in. And we’re both all “I’m sorry. Excuse me.” Neither of us did anything wrong.
  15. In college, we took a Women’s Studies class where the professor pointed this very thing out. And I told myself I would never be like that.
  16. I say sorry to inanimate objects if I run into them.
  17. That professor also told us it was very important to NEVER say sorry if/when you’re involved in any kind of accident, regardless of fault. Saying sorry assumes blame. Which is a good point. I don’t think it would hold up in court though.
  18. My friend Ang actually got rear-ended by that professor in the Safeway parking lot a few years later. First words out of Prof’s mouth? Yep. I’m sorry.
  19. That same professor also told us how bad your bladder squishes down to half its original size when you have babies. Which would explain why my mom has to go every 37 seconds. When she’s dehydrated.
  20. And now I must be off. And this was just filler. Because I like even numbers.
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Responses

  1. Hi there,

    Here in The Netherlands it is already fall. Actually the summer never showed up. People are complaining about it all the time. ALL THE TIME! In April it was very hot, which actually never occurs. So people were all discussing the Global Warming and shit, but after april – fall again. So now nobody talks about the environment anymore. We can use a bit of Global Warming actually! The stuff with your candles is very strange. Maybe you should put them in your fridge. Do not know why I said that, why would you ever do that? So forget about it. Further I really like your brown hair. It suits your skintone. I like your blog. Perhaps because we resemble – I drink to much and I also have to go back to Weightwatchers. I am now following a VERY popular Dutch diet. This woman who invented it sold more books then every other author last year. She is loaded now. It is very simple: she made daymenus for 8 weeks and this is what you eat. Then you loose a lot of weight. This is true and it works, but I go out a lot and then I have to order anything else and then the diet doesn’t work anymore. For boring peopel who eat at home daily this is perfect but not for me. Well we struggle along.

    Keep writing to make my day!

  2. FALL STARTS ON FRIDAY! I AM MAKING THIS OFFICIAL! It will be because I say so.

    Also, I wear ballet flats all the effing time…when I don’t sneak flip flops at work.

    And I say “I”m sorry” a lot, too. My mom used to yell at me for it. Maybe it’s why I adopted “Suri” so it wouldn’t be as obvious, haha.

  3. I think tall women should just go with it! You’re all gorgeous! I would love to be tall, so my feet wouldn’t look like I’m wearing clown shoes. Actually, that isn’t about my height so much as my leg length – which is approximately four inches.

    Good lord… it’s hotter than Hades here, but I’m off to the land of even-hotter-with-a-lot-of-humidity: St. Louis. Gah… What was I thinking?

    I’m a chronic apologizer. I don’t mind it so much until people say “STOP APOLOGIZING!” That makes me feel bad and I want to apologize … but you know, I can’t. Jerks.

  4. Tall = Big feet. Otherwise, fall over. I know, Krista, I know. However I refuse to wear flats, because then it looks like those size 10s are clown feet.

    Now, Mr. Hot constantly tells me to stop apologizing. Of course, my thought is that my over-apologizing makes up for his “Love means never having to say you’re Sorry.”

    🙂

  5. Yay! Your blog is international – with the commenter from the Netherlands. Is it bad that when I was in Amsterdam my diet consisted of Absinthe and space cakes? Definitely not WW friendly.

  6. Ballet shoes must NEVER go out of style. We must band together as women to continue the prominence of comfortable and fashionable shoe options in the world.

    Also, my parents also FORBID me to say “I’m sorry” after a car accident when I got my license. Good thing, too, because I crashed more than once.

  7. What is this “Summer” thing you talk about?

  8. Dude. It has been 90-plus like every day of August, I think. It SUCKS!

    I have never, ever worn ballet flats. I feel like it makes me look longer if I have some height on my shoes … even my flip-flops are stacked. But I can wear flip-flops to work, so it’s OK.

  9. i totally feel your pain. it was 84 here today and i was dyin’!!


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