Posted by: kristabella | August 14, 2007

I Must Stop Living in Fear

One night last week as I was writing some, I’m sure, very witty, insightful post, I thought about the fact that I still have yet to go into great detail about how it came about that this here blog went and got me fired.

I thought of it mostly because the post in question, the one that started an all-out riot in Seattle, complete with torches, is sitting in my drafts. Instead of deleting it, I decided to just save it as a draft for as to post at a later time. You know, *looks left, looks right*, when the coast was clear.

Lately this blog has been the one thing I look forward to every day. It keeps me sane. At least on the days I don’t write all crap. And because of it, I’ve had new readers join the group. And I in turn then get directed to some new, great blogs. Blogs have consumed my life, and that is exactly how I want it to be.

So I figured with some new readers, this would be a good time to get into the whole story. It’s been almost five months since all this shit went down. It’s been four since we opened Kristabella back up to the general public.

And I’ve seriously debated sitting down and writing the post that explains it all. Because really? What the hell is the big deal?

Dooce (we all know Dooce, right? She like rules the blogging world) was fired for her blog way back in like 2002, when the rest of the world was all “what in tarnation is this here bloggy thing you’re yapping about?”

I went back to her archives to see how she handled it. And she was the one who convinced me I shouldn’t live in fear. She didn’t. (And she got fired for something even stupider than what I got fired for.) Why let them win?

Well, for one, I need a job. I’m on my own, no hubby, etc., so I kind of need the income. And most employers don’t realize the awesomeness that is me, so it takes me a little while to find a new job.

So last night I all but decided, when I had more time to write, probably this weekend, I would finally write THE post. And re-publish the ill-fated, send-the-CEO-into-a-tailspin-over-a-skiing-name, got-me-univited-to-the-party, limited-my-days-there post.

But then something happened today. I was just sitting at my desk, working diligently on my extensive to-do list reading blogs, when one of my bosses came up behind me (therefore busting me on the fact I was clearly not working diligently on work-related tasks) and asked me if I had lunch plans. (Besides my 2-point sandwich and watermelon?) I said no. And she said she’d like to go to the cafeteria with me, just the two of us, and have lunch.

At that moment my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. And I full-on flipped out. Because God damn! I’m just starting to enjoy my job. I have learned not to interact with certain people too much because they make me want to rip my arm off, but it’s going good. I’m getting all my work done, people are finally starting to trust me, I have time to read blogs, I get to read all the transcripts of the live feeds on JokersUpdates for Big Brother. Life is good. Bills are being paid.

I asked the girl in the cube next to me what she thought. Mind you, not nonchalantly asking if this is normal practice here at this company or some other completely sane question like that. No, the conversation was more of me asking “she wouldn’t fire me in the cafeteria, right? Like in front of all those PEOPLE? Would she? (Shaking girl in cube next to me) Would she???? ANSWER ME!”

Because I immediately go to the worst possible scenario. That consulting job has fucked me up good. And for no reason at all except that the CEO has a fragile little ego. And it fucking pisses me off that that douche bag has made me live in fear. Because I have yet to do anything wrong. And I most certainly have done nothing wrong at new job. Nothing that could EVER make me even think for one SECOND that my boss would want to fire me.

And you know what? It sucks. And I’m not going to do it anymore. I will NOT let that asshat win.

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Responses

  1. DO NOT LET THAT ASSHAT WIN! If those aren’t words to live by, I don’t know what are.

    OK, but seriously, you knew you would know when the right time was, and it sounds like now is it. (Has it really been five months? REALLY?!)

    But most important: A 2-point sandwich? What was ON IT? Bread? And only bread?

  2. I have to admit my heart was beating a bit fast wondering if you were going to tell all about the firing….then I finished reading & think I agree that it’s time. Down with asshats!!!!!!

  3. Funnily enough, I was just reading “That” Dooce post over the weekend, and getting all inspired by the “I shall not live in fear” part. I really, really want to write a “my crazy neighbour is posting abusive comments on my blawg” post, you see, but so far? Too chicken. Maybe I will if you will 🙂

    Also: I totally want to read the “getting fired” post. We all need to unite against the asshats of the world.

  4. Um… wow.

    I’ll totally march with you! Down with Asshats! (I so can see that on posterboard.)

  5. And? so the lunch?

    I agree with Dooce, too, but I’m not to the “I shall not live in fear” stage yet, sometimes I wake up with the cold-sweats thinking someone may have found out who the Hotfessional is, or who she works for. One of these days though, I know the opportunity will arise for me to out myself.

  6. I should mention that lunch was FINE. She just wanted to check up and see how things were going with me, etc.

    So there was no need to panic.

  7. Manic sent me..gonna check around!

  8. I’m going to buy you one of those tiny mirrors for your cube, so you can tell when someone’s sneaking up behind you… Glad lunch went well.

    And I concur with Mahnee, Marianne, Amber, etc… on the ‘Down with Asshats’ tip!!

  9. PHEW about lunch being ok.

    From where does asshat originate?

  10. the word. not the person.

  11. what the hell are you talking about? snap out of it.

  12. Dude. I want the story… it doesn’t concern this job, right? So I think we should talk about it! (If via email, because I am nosey and I like you. Lots. And you have sexy hair.)


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