Posted by: kristabella | July 19, 2007

Is It Friday Yet?

I wrote this on Wednesday night. When Friday seemed so, so far away.

I don’t really have anything to write about. I mean, besides getting my ass up early and sitting in product training all day long, there’s not a whole hell of a lot going on with me.

The worst is the lack of computer time. I mean, the product training can be really informative, but I’m pretty damn sure that I have some sort of disorder. Because when it comes to meetings or conferences or anything, I cannot keep my damn eyes open. I’m not kidding. They get all glazed over, almost like I’m crossing my eyes. (Apparently that’s what my eyes do when I’m tired. I’ve actually wondered what it looks like. I should try and take a photo.) So yeah, they are open, probably just only slits, and I pretend I’m reading the notes. But I’m not. I’m willing myself to stay awake. And then usually what happens is I doze off for one quick second, because I always get a head bob that knocks me back awake. And then the cycle starts all over again, about 30 seconds later.

It’s really bad. I start fidgeting. Moving around in my seat. I try doodling. But since I can’t draw or anything, I usually color in the letters and numbers. But that, really, only can get me through so much.

Then I get up to go to the bathroom. Or get a drink. Or to take a cat nap in the bathroom. (I usually blame it on the food.) (No, not really. I get all guilty that people know I’m sleeping in the bathroom. Because, ewwwww.)

And it’s not just sales conferences where people drone on and on. And it’s not just because I’m usually out drinking late and haven’t gotten any sleep. There is this one part of my brain that just knows. It knows that it’s going to be hours of endless boring stuff. It’s happened in meetings with just me and my boss before. Or just 2-3 people in the room. I think the ADD kicks in bad because NO STIMULATION! For the love of Christ, I need animation or sound or a damn drink.

Or maybe, computers give me energy. Maybe I’m some sort of robot. And all the electromagnetic whoosey dingys and what not flow through my veins and immediately recharge me. Or just maybe there are enough things to occupy your time with on the internet. Most days.

I even asked my doctor about it. Because maybe I have like low iron or something. Like only when I’m sitting in meetings. Away from my computer. But she tested me out. I’m fine. I’m just an idiot. That has a hard time staying awake.

I have a new condition – Sudden Onset Adult Droopy Eyelid Syndrome (SOADES). They just won’t stay OPEN! I’m going to submit it to the American Journal of Medicine or whatever researchy journaly thing is out there. Because this is serious, people.

I’m afraid of an epidemic. I’m saving you. All of you.

And there is only one known cure. Let me fucking waste my time on the computer checking email and reading blogs.

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Responses

  1. I so have SOADES. At my old job, I would dread the weekly staff meetings because of it. And I used to work nights at the bookstore so I was always exhausted and I remember my very first meeting we had to listen to this hour long tape of John Wooden and they had the lights super dim. OMG, I was willing myself to stay awake. It was terrible. I used to get a lot of starbucks and red bull.

  2. Years ago, I actually fell sound asleep in a boring meeting…after my brilliant supervisor had taken us all out for lunch at an Italian restaurant that served only heavy, sleepy food. Just writing this is making me think of it & get tired.
    Miss you, KJ!!!!!!

  3. Thank God! Finally there is a diagnosis for what ails me! Thank you, Dr. Kristabella!

    Happy Friday!

  4. I totally have SOADES! When in meetings, I too, have a tendency to get the cross eyed look and um have been known to actually drool and snore at my desk! I want to personally thank Dan for the slaps I get when he hears me snoring away…

  5. I think I have SOADES too. Every bloody day.


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