Posted by: kristabella | July 10, 2007

At Least I’m Not Complaining About The Damn Heat

Um, hi Internet. I have been a bad blogger lately. And I apologize.

And I’m also a liar. Because I will mention the heat. Because it melted half my face off. Which is why I couldn’t blog since last Thursday night.

Actually, the heat was part of the reason I haven’t blogged. I was off babysitting for my niece and nephew the WHOLE weekend so my house was a furnace (a FURNACE!!!!) when I got home Sunday night. This after an hour car ride with air conditioning that was blowing hot air at me (HOT AIR!!!!) But not as hot as outside, so whatever. Hot. And crabby. And melting. So I didn’t blog. Sue me. (No please don’t. I was hoping I avoided blogging related lawsuits when I didn’t sign that damn agreement.)

So I planned on blogging on Monday night. But then, the world came crashing down on me. (Crashing DOWN!!!) Because instead of being all cozy in my hotel room in Coon Rapids, MN, I was standing in line. At the airport. (At the AIRPORT!!!!) Because my fucking flight got cancelled. Because three drops of water fell from the sky. (Three DROPS!!!!) (No, I don’t know why I keep doing it. I also don’t know why I find it so funny.) (Must be the Fanta.) (Orange FANTA!!!!)

Yeah, Northwest Airlines sucks. Big fucking donkey balls. Because apparently they are going through some bad times. And pilots don’t even want to work for them anymore. And they just love to cancel flights. A lot. And you know what? I’m pretty sure it had nothing to do with weather. American made it to Minneapolis okay last night. So did United. And none of Continental’s flights at the surrounding gates were even delayed.

To make matters worse, they have what might be the worst customer service ever. (EVER!!!!) Because first off, the gate assholes didn’t even tell us the flight was cancelled. While we were sitting at the damn gate. (Isn’t that what those microphoney, intercommy things are for??) I finally looked up because some kid was all “our flight’s been CANCELLED!!!!” (yes he said it like that) and I looked up from my book and saw a line of 30 people.

So I got in line. And got on the cellie to NWA because I needed to get to Minneapolis. I had dinner to go to. And drinks to drink!

Did you know that if “weather” is the cause of your flight being cancelled, then the airline is not liable to help you? Like at all. No hotel. No helping with flights on other airlines. Nothing. Because it’s “not their fault” that they have no pilots, their flight attendants are threatening to strike and they are trying to get out of bankruptcy. Oh and that three drops of rain cancelled our flight. Three effing drops.

Yeah. And skank on the phone was all “I can get you there tomorrow afternoon.” Um, bitch, please. Why would that help me? Why would that help anyone? I wanted to get there this afternoon, but you’re all a bunch of asshats.

So I stood in line. The line that had now grown to 45 people. And wasn’t moving. Because of the great customer service, I’m sure. And friendly lady in front of me, who flies NWA all the time and says this happens more often than not and that the reason probably was that the next flight our would-be aircraft was taking was probably empty, so to save costs, Northwest Airlines cancelled our flight. Again, because they are cheap bastards. Anyway, nice woman asked if we had a travel agency at work. And we did! As of last week! And AWESOME! Because I didn’t have to call all those airlines myself. And I got a flight out this morning at 7 AM. Which means I’ve been up for too long. And that I may have drooled on myself on the plane. Good thing the woman next to me had a bad back, so was in no shape to recoil in horror. Not that it would have stopped the drool. (She told me she had a bad back. Which was why she couldn’t turn on her overhead light. I think she was just a pretentious bitch. I hope some of my drool splattered on her designer jacket. That was ugly.)

Oh. And did I mention, by the time I got to the front of the line. To helpful NWA man (actually, considering, this man was all kinds of patient. He needed a freaking medal.) Who wanted me to fly standby on the two later flights. That either got cancelled or had 30 people on the standby list. Um, no thanks. I live here. Am not sleeping on airport benches. Anyway, it was 5:30. On a weeknight. And it was raining. So yeah, I didn’t get home until 7 PM. And had to be up by 4 AM. Fun.

But I made it to Minneapolis. Where it is cooler. Like I’m almost freezing because it isn’t an oven outside. But I’m not complaining. I’m just going to drink my orange Fanta (FANTA!!!!) and pass out in my bed. In Coon Rapids.

Yes, there is such a place.

And P.S – Dane Cook? STFU. You almost make me want to never watch baseball again.

P.P.S – Fanta, Fanta. Don’t you wanna Fanta, Fanta?



  1. Let’s start a countdown to fall, please.

  2. Ohhhhh, aren’t airlines lovely? The last time I flew, BOTH flights were delayed for no good reason. I think if they’re gonna do that, the wireless in the airport should be free at least. (It actually is in Orlando. YAY, Orlando. Too bad I never go to Orlando.)

  3. I was surprised to see that Webster’s added the word “ginormous” as a NEW word to their dictionary. You’ve been using that word for years. Guess they finally caught up.

  4. That song is going to be stuck in my head all day now. Thank you!

    Um… it’s perfectly okay to complain about the heat because it was goddamned hot. It’s only supposed to get up to the mid-70s today… BLISS!

  5. I feel for ya…my boss had a huge conference thing he was supposed to be at on Monday, all prepaid, looking forward to it all year, yada, yada and then couldn’t get into Chicago from Mpls. I’m guessing he must have been on NWA. The customer service people actually told him he should just drive there. Sucky!

  6. Thanks. Thanks so much. I am flying NWA next week (which I do ONLY rarely, and usually under much duress).

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