Posted by: kristabella | June 10, 2007

The Lost Week

First off, I’d like to say thanks to everyone for the nice comments (not Rich) about my job thingy. Y’all are right and I’m giving them Work KJ. They aren’t worthy of anything more. I think things are fine. I may tend to overreact. But like my mom pointed out, who wouldn’t after what I went through with the consulting place and getting fired for a blog. Seriously, nothing shocks me anymore. I don’t put anything past anyone.

Secondly, I’d like to give the first blog welcome to a new addition to The Jens’ family. She gave birth to a little boy named Casey on Friday evening. Congrats to The Jens and her family! He’s a very lucky little guy! And super cute!

Thirdly, I have not really left the house all weekend. I got a pizza on Saturday night for dinner and had to walk a block to pick it up. And today I did a little grocery shopping. That’s it. And that is fine. (I also put my window air conditioner in. Don’t get me started on that.)

I’d have left the house more except for the fact that I was sleeping for like 80% of those hours. (When not watching the Game Show Network. People I need 2 others to join me as contestants on Chain Reaction. I would school those fools!) The conference out in the ‘burbs last week really wore me down. It was long days with few breaks. And then since we’re the ones putting it on, we don’t get much of a break in the evening before we have to head to the activity for the night or just eat to give us energy. You know to keep going. And to soak up the wine.

Now, of course I could have gone to bed at a reasonable time each night. Could being the key word. But I am Company Girl. And need to socialize and be a good host to sales managers. Although, I’m sure this didn’t mean drinking a case of wine each night. But hey, what can you do?

It was very fun. The first official night we went bowling. There was a small bowling alley on site and we rented it out. There were only about 5 lanes, so I ended up sitting out the first game. I hung around behind a few of the guys and just chit-chatted and played a perfect corporate host. (Read: drinking beers and going to the bar.)

When I finally got around to playing, I had like my best game of bowling ever. I bowled a 132. Seriously, I bowl for beer and good times. Not to break 100. Otherwise I’d always be disappointed.

But I happened to mention to these guys that I took bowling in gym class in high school. (Since my high school was right around the corner from the hotel. Which I pointed out 483 times.) (Yes, apparently I went to an affluent high school. Which is weird, since we were not affluent.) And I told them the one piece of knowledge I remember: “Shake hands with the pins.”

I know what you’re thinking? “What the fuck? How drunk is she right now?”

Hang with me kids. For Average Joe bowler, you have to throw it straight, right down the middle at the front pin to get them all down. So when you release the ball, you need to shake hands with that 10 pin (or is it the 1 pin?) Any twisting of your wrist will send that ball whichever way you turned your wrist towards. And it’s usually towards the gutter.

Now, like I said, a 132 is like the best I’ve ever done. But shaking hands with the pins works. According to Mr. Bergen. (Also in this gym class was golf and fencing. And then second semester was cross county skiing, archery and badminton. If you’re going to make gym mandatory, at least get to do fun shit, right?) (Again, high school not in ghetto.)

After telling all the guys this “wisdom” they actually used it. And were shocked as shit that it worked. (HA!) Which then earned me the nickname Bowling School. Or B.S. for short. Seriously. These 3 guys called me Bowling School all week. It was pretty funny.

And then I proceeded to drink 11 beers and got a 69 in the second game. (Heh heh.) The students became the teachers and they wiped the floor with me. And I will be known as Bowling School forever more.

Yet another nickname to add to the list. I can think of a lot worse.

By the end of the conference I ended up drinking for 8 days straight and getting about 4 hours of sleep a night. (No, it was not an 8-day conference. But add the weekend into a whole week and viola! Eight days straight.) And having a bad case of the head bobs during most of the presentations. (Which? Really good when you know nothing about the company. Asshat.)

And also? Didn’t watch any TV and wasn’t allowed to read the paper during the meetings (boo) so I was all out of touch. Billy Donovan punked the Magic? Paris got out of jail and then went back? The Ocean’s 13 cast came to a premiere in CHICAGO?? And I didn’t find out about it until like 2 hours before? WTF? Conferences blow. If it wasn’t for free booze, I would not like them. One. Bit.

So yeah, that would explain why I slept for about 16 hours on Saturday. Because you know what? I have to do it all over again next week. Maybe I’ll have learned my lesson and not sustain on red wine and prime rib. With a few hotel cookies thrown in. (Why is it that my pants don’t fit?)

But, probably not. That’s not Bowling School’s way.



  1. your conf. story reminds me of when you visited me in de-twah for the pr meetings a few years back… and we went to ford field and ordered coke and rums and were like this tastes like jack, but ended up being some top shelf rum that in-affluent (is that a word?) people don’t drink. where’s my potters rum?!

  2. You should work for my ocmpany. We have those boring, long ass, no-reading-the-paper type conferences and NO BOOZE!!!

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