Posted by: kristabella | June 4, 2007

Kristabella In ’08

Get your fucking bumper stickers ready.

I am announcing my candidacy for Head Idiot of Forgetfultown. Because I? Should be admitted to some sort of ward for the earliest onset of Alzheimer’s. (And people, my Uncle had a form of it, so don’t take this as I’m making light of the disease. I. AM. NOT. My Fairy Godmother will attest to that.)

So let’s recap my weekend, shall we?

So remember I said I was going to the Cubs game on Friday with work people? Well I did. And it was probably the most eventful Cubs game in history. (And not because I was there. Well, maybe just a little.) Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett got into an altercation in the dugout. None of us saw it until we were at a bar postgame. Because we sat behind the dugout and saw into the Braves dugout. No one punched Andruw Jones in the face. Sadly.

And then! Someone ran out on the field! I’ve been to so many sporting events in my life and I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. And for Wrigley’s seats being oh-so-close-to-the-field, I’m surprised it doesn’t happen more. It really doesn’t take much effort to hop that little wall.

But anyway, the Wrigley people didn’t know what to do! They just let him run out there and have a good ol’ time. He ran out to second base and took a bow! Completely clothed! Finally, the on-field people pulled their heads out of their asses and pulled him over to the side and escorted him off the field. And sadly? That was the best part of the game for me! I texted Scarlet about it. Because she opened the can of whoop ass on me and invited me to text her more. Silly, silly Scarlet. (Actually, I text her a lot, considering we only know each other through teh interweb.)

This is not what this post was supposed to be about. But I’ve had a few glasses of wine this evening. And my mind tends to wander. In places I don’t need it going.

Anyway. Candidacy. Me. Full-on Idiot. To the third power. Or to the Nth degree. Something mathy.

(The Cubs thing was semi-relevant. Just so you know.) So I took the bus to work on Friday because I was like “I ain’t driving all the way back to work after going to the Cubs game” (read: drinking heavily, naturally) since I live so close to Wrigley. It made perfect sense. There were enough people cabbing it or driving that I wouldn’t be stranded at the office.

So I made sure I had everything I needed for the game and after the game with me when I left the office. I had to go into the office on Saturday anyway to get laptop and work stuff for sales meeting. So anything that I forgot, I could just pick up then.

That is unless you forget THE most important thing in you bag. In your bottom desk drawer. Five miles from your home.

I would be talking about my keys. MY KEYS! TO MY HOUSE! I am the world’s biggest fucking idiot!

I had a great time at the game. We went out to dinner afterwards. And then I got a few drinks with some co-workers who lived in the City. I took a cab home and when he dropped me off in front of my house at about 10:3o I flippin’ panicked. I forgot my damn keys at the office. What the FUCK was I going to do?

Well I ended up calling my mom in hysterics like any other normal, sane girl would do.

And then I took a cab all the way down to work, had him wait while I got my keys, and then let him cart my ass back to my house. Forty dollars later, I was able to let myself into my house. To do important things. Like fucking check my email. Maybe a night on the street would have knocked some damn sense into me.

Oh, but it doesn’t end there. So I had to be out to the suburbs on Sunday around 5 PM to help set up the meeting space and get the binders assembled and do all the stuff to get prepared for the meeting this week. I left my house in PLENTY of time to get there. The meeting is only a few minutes from my high school. (Not that that means anything. I don’t live near my high school. Just wanted to point out that I knew where I was going. Was not going to get lost.)

Well, about 40 minutes into the drive, I realized I forgot the damn thing that I have to use to access the company’s network to check email and all that shit. One of those little fucking keychains that has random numbers on it. I don’t know what it does. But I need it. So I fucking turn around and go back home to get it. Am model employee.

Like an hour later han planned, I’m back on the road. I’m only about an hour late for the guy that I’m supposed to help set shit up with. I called him at 5 to say “Am asshat. Forgot things. Be late. My bad. Sorry.” I even needed to get gas, but decided running on a teaspoon of gas is better than being horribly late. To the set-up. As the new girl. Am so getting fired.

Yeah. As per usual, I overreacted. I was the only one there by that time. We didn’t set up until like 7:45. And you know what? I don’t even need that fucking little thing to be able to check my email. So yeah. Totally a waste of time. And $4 a gallon gas. To go all the way back to my apartment for little keychainy thing. Stupid keychainy thing.

But since I just decided to declare my candidacy. And need to continue to forget things, I had some wine with dinner. And after dinner. Because alcohol will be my friend in this campaign.

See ya brain cells! It was nice cdlvmfla;kkjvopfnv.

They’ve already left the building.



  1. Can I run as your vice president of idiocy? Because I’m highly qualified for the position.

  2. Aarrrgh! You didn’t need that thingy for the laptop????? Bummer. Oh, well, better prepared than not. Glad you didn’t have to stress additionally about REALLY being late.
    Isn’t that resort nice? Someone I work with went last year & I saw pictures. Have fun!

  3. If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times, I bring people together. 🙂

    I’m actually surprised it was only $40 round trip from the Kristabella Palace to work and back.

  4. Um, excuse me. You do realize I am the MAYOR of FORGETFUL town. You need now apply. I can’t even freakin’ get to the Windows login screen without entering the keyfob #s.

  5. fyi…i meant need NOT apply. See I even forget how to spell!

  6. I’m forgetting things all the time. I’m just blaming it on menopause. Wait…..what was I saying?

  7. i’d like to be your director of international relations. hey oooooooooooooooo!!

  8. Umm that said, “love the texts. you so have my vote;)”

  9. Hey- a $40 round trip cab ride to get keys to your apt is more cost efficient than locking yourself out of your apt (while doing laundry down the hall), and having to pay a locksmith 80-90 bones to get you back inside. Not that I’ve done that or anything.

    Glad you made it to work event in plenty o’ time.

    See, you really are getting close to the big 3-0! 😉

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