Posted by: kristabella | May 30, 2007

Dumb Dora Was So Dumb…

I had this awesome mediocre post all set to write and have it just flourish on the page. And I was hoping to laugh hysterically at my witty self. Like the whole Adam Levine cooking me bacon thing. Pure comedy gold right there.

But then I saw some heartbreaking news. On Metromix. Whilst looking for watering holes to get my drink on.

Charles Nelson Reilly died. It’s totally sad. He was a fixture on The Match Game. And while he was my second favoritest panelist behind Richard Dawson, I have always been a big fan. To think that he was pretty much openly gay (never coming out and saying it, but certainly not hiding it) in an era that was even less tolerable than the society we live in today.

He will be sorely missed. And I’m hoping GSN gets off their asses and does a marathon of his best moments. Because there were quite a few that I can think of right off the top of my head. But then again, I’m a tad on the crazy side.

Charles, we’ll blank you.

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That so is going to take some time to get old. At least to me! Colors, bitches! (Hee! I made them maroonΒ and gold for ASU. I rule!)

In other news, I got tired of waiting for Adam Levine and just cooked the damn bacon myself tonight. You know, I never remember why I hate cooking bacon until I’m cooking it. One, it takes forever, what with all the flipping. (And note to self, don’t try to fucking text message during it because you’ll end up with burnt bacon. Stupid arse.) And two, my whole fucking house smells of bacon. I think it’s seeped into the closet. I think I’m either going to get attacked by rabid purse dogs on the way to my car in the morning or hear everyone in the office asking “who has bacon?” all day. Or both.

(Did anyone else think one person could talk this much about bacon? No. Me neither.)

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See how I’m using that for a break? In between asinine thoughts?

Speaking of asinine. I downloaded 3 songs on iTunes. No big deal, right? They were fucking Blake Lewis. His songs he sang. On. The. Show. Cover songs.

For Pete’s sake woman, you already have Shot Through the Heart on your iPod. THE ORIGINAL.

(But seriously? How much does that kid fucking rock? I bet he wouldn’t have blown me off with the bacon cooking. He’s totally my new boyfriend. You know, in Imaginary Land. The admission is relatively low priced. Bring the entire family!)

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I have to be out in the suburbs all week next week for a sales conference. These are the types of things I’m going to be planning in the future. So they are going to throw me right in and let me hit the ground running. Which is good because I learn by doing. I mean, that’s how I got to become such an expert drinker.

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A coyote just jumped through the window looking for bacon. From the smell. The bacon! I can only imagine what the hall smells like.

Better than the nasty-ass incense the people below me use to cover up the pot smell. Hey granola heads below me! You’re not fooling anyone!

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I saw a taxi on the road the other day that was like one of those London taxis. Like this:

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And it said on the window “London to O’Hare” but didn’t give a price. Can’t be cheap.

(I actually saw this like 8 months ago and was waiting until I needed filler crap.)

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I’m trying to lose weight. Nothing depresses a gal more than being called gal. No. I meant nothing depresses a gal more than going shopping for clothes and not fitting into your normal size.

To be perfectly honest, I haven’t fit in my “normal” size for over 6 months. But at least I could stretch those old pants around my flabby ass.

So I’m trying to eat better. And I really should work out. Remember that whole running thing I was doing? Well let me pause here to laugh. Heartily. Because remember when I was unemployed and lazy? Key word there being LAZY? And when I never ran? Because there is TV to watch? And sleep to sleep? And how I was supposed to run that 10 mile race this past Saturday? Turns out I paid $40 for a shirt. That says SF 10. Which took me about half a freakin’ day to figure out SF was Soldier Field. NOT San Francisco. Only some jackass in Beaverton, Oregon would think of that.

Anyway, yeah. Eating better. Working out. All going well. Until I made turkey bacon tonight. Key word there being I, as in me, as in NOT Adam Levine. Or even Blake Lewis. Maybe I should play his songs. Do you think that works like the bat signal?

Do you see why I lose focus when it comes to trying to stick to healthy eating?

How much turkey bacon is too much?

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So it’s been over a month since I got the axe from that consulting company. You know the one. Named after a downhill ski race. And I have yet to post for the whole blogosphere to read the entire story. The whole kit and kaboodle. (My mom still stores her jewelry in a Kaboodle. Remember? From back in the day? Feel free to giggle.) Most of you know the gist. But I’m still a little chicken.

My mom, the Kaboodle owner,Β is convinced that they are going to sabotage me the minute I post something about it. Like old company will call up new company and give them the dish.

First thought? Why would new job even care. I never lied to them. And I think they’d actually quite enjoy it.

Second thought? Seriously Mom. They are a big company. I’m pretty sure they have better things to do with their time.

Right. Yet, this is the company that fired me over my blog. Because I said your new name was stupid and you wasted our time with your useless guess the new name site.

What do ya’ll think? Is it worth the risk? Am I overreacting? (Cause I never do that.) Am I resigned to never discuss it in this forum?

Share your thoughts with everyone in the comments. That includes all you lurkers. I know you’re out there. I’m pretty sure my mom isn’t refreshing the site 120 times a day. She’s good for at least 20, but more than that is just ridiculous. And she has a Kaboodle to organize.

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Responses

  1. I probably can take credit for like 10 of those hits! I am always hoping you’ll double post or something πŸ™‚

    As for posting about the old job, I say go with your gut. I think you really want to so that people (your loyal fans) will know why you got fired. So that there is justice. And, I know it is “therapeutic” to put it all out there. So, I say, don’t hold back and follow your gut. You are a smart gal.

    And, as for the running thing…I am behind you if and when you decide to make a come back πŸ˜‰ You have it in you.

  2. Leave my Kaboodle alone!
    Love the coyote coming in the window…HOT coffee came out my nose when I laughed over that one.
    Still say it’s too soon to post about the firing unless you don’t use the real names. I don’t trust those people. They violated your right to free speech AND got away with it….I wouldn’t put anything past them.
    I love the smell of bacon in the morning.

  3. I’d hazard a guess that whatever Blake Lewis, whoever he is, cooked for you, would be prepackaged and lacking in character. His publicists would probably just pick it up from the deli next door and say he made it.

    Seriously, you really need to step up the quality on your celebrity boyfriends. Don’t you know I have the final say on these matters? πŸ™‚

    I don’t know what to tell you on posting about the former job. I may agree with your mom about not putting anything past them. My job falsely accused me of being a MySpace addict last week, so anything’s possible. (For Kristabella’s readers who don’t know me, which is plenty, I’m very outspokenly critical of MySpace, hence the irony).

  4. Eww. I hate bacon smell in the house, too. I’m undecided on whether you should blog about them now or not…I say, yes, but then again maybe waiting awhile is better? I’m wishy-washy and no help at all. Sorry. I ran on Sat and Sun and now I’m sore. Don’t do it! πŸ˜‰

  5. I paid $35 for this year’s Shamrock Shuffle t-shirt. Welcome to the club! πŸ™‚

  6. sf doesn’t stand for super freak? the tattoo guy lied to me. now i have soldier field tatted on my arm. crap.

  7. I didn’t know they still made Kaboodles. I think I had one in 7th grade.

  8. Actually Michelle, they don’t still make them. I think my mom has the one she bought when I was in 7th grade.

    It’s peach! πŸ™‚

  9. HEY!! My kaboodle was PEACH too:) Dude, totally write about the stupid skiers…

  10. Have to comment. Chundley’s comment up there was my 666th all-time.

    This is 667.

    Whew.

  11. But the Blake Lewis cover of Shot Through the Heart is GOOD!

    I agree, go with your gut. Which is probably not that much help πŸ™‚

  12. Ahh! I mean, not that your gut is defective, I just mean it’s not very helpful advice! I’m sure your gut is very effective!

  13. OK, so now you’ve successfully gotten the Ice-T theme from the movie “Colors” stuck in my head. Thanks.

    “Or you could walk down the hill and f*** ’em all.” (Not part of the theme to Colors).

  14. does that mean I’m evil;)

  15. So I am commenting on bacon LOL, Oscar Meyer CENTER CUT Bacon – 2 pieces = 1 point on WW. Cant beat that bitches!

  16. To Mahnee: I am right there with you, I have my jewelry in a Kaboodle too!! What color is yours? Mine is green, wanna trade LOL!?!?!


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