Posted by: kristabella | May 1, 2007

Nerd Alert

Tonight, some friends and I headed to Barnes & Noble for a book reading/signing event. We got to meet the Jen Lancaster! The author! The blogger! The person I might now start stalking! (Kidding.) (Maybe.)

Jen’s new book, Bright Lights, Big Ass came out today. And you should all go out and buy it. Right NOW! And she’s not even paying me to tell you that. I am just that big of a fan! (where fan = crazeeee!) And if it’s anywhere as near as good as Bitter is the New Black, then it’s going to be all kinds of awesome. I’ve already heard/read two excerpts from it. And? Awesome. Toe. Tah. Lee.

And I am also the world’s biggest nerd! Because we got there like 2 hours early. To get good seats. (Seriously.) And people didn’t show up until about 45 minutes before the reading. Thank God I wasn’t by myself. Because then I would have been talking to the magazine racks.

But I anticipated all kinds of crowds. And lines out the door. Because, um, hello? It’s Jen! She’s a celebrity. (I’m pretty sure I should get out more.)

She read a high-larious excerpt and took questions from the audience. And I asked one. (Me!) And then proceeded to turn a lovely shade of blood red. And then passed out in my chair. (No, not really.)

And Fletch was there. In the back. Standing right next to this week’s issue of In Touch, with the headline “Surprise BOOB JOBS!” (Heeeheee.)

(And then I totally had to pull out my little blog notebook. Because that added to the awesomeness. Fletch! And Jen! Live and in person! Holy shit!)

Two of my friends totally cut to the front of the line when she started signing. Which was good. One, because they invited her to our book club this month! A whole night with Jen. To drink and talk about celebrity gossip and reality TV. Oh, and the book, of course. I may pass out from the excitement. And two, my friend happened to mention that I had a blog and had an interesting story to go along with it.

So when I got up to the front (after law-abidingly going to the end of the line) I told her about it. I was all confident and said “I am a fellow blogger. And I got fired. And will move on to much bigger and better things. And that company blows. And can you believe the absurdity of it all? And how dumb is Slalom?”

Actually, in reality, I was slouching, fidgeting, talking whispering to my shoes, all shades of crimson and don’t think I actually looked her in the eye when I talked to her. It came out more like “heeee blogging Slalom sucks heeeeee guessed the name pompous ass heeeee Tom Brokaw third interview Friday happens reason OH MY GOD I lurrrrve you heeeeeee!”

(Really? Me? Not suitable to be out in public.)

And the best part? This is what she signed in my book: “Kristin – Your old job sucks & you rock. Best – Jen Lancaster.”

Oh. My. God! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! And awesome.

And will spend the next few weeks learning skills to be able to interact in normal social situations. Am fucking idiot!



  1. That’s awesome!!!!!!! I will def check out her book today since I do work in a bookstore;) And it’s funny you mentioned talking to the magazines because I am actually in charge of the magazines at my store and spend wayyyyy too much time with them. haha.

    I went to a Billy Corgan* signing once. Actually, I worked it, but when I got up to the table all I could say was, “THANK YOU SO MUCH” which pretty much encompassed everything I needed to say, but it was Billy Effing Corgan and what I should have said was, “You are a God and I want to have your babies can we start now?”

    *He lives in your city. NOT fair.

  2. Yes, we are big nerds. I’m a real big nerd because I was reading the book on the Red Line this morning. And I was laughing out loud. I’m sure people thought I belong in the nearest looney bin. Anyway, we didn’t cut in line on purpose. We were just so excited we didn’t realize there was a line already formed.

  3. I know you didn’t cut on purpose. I’m just a jealous whore because you got to talk to her first! And Stacey Ballis!

    Scarlet – that’s way better than anything I’ve ever said to anyone famous. Usually I just sit there with this shit-eating grin on my face like a crazy woman.

  4. I LOVE going to book signings! I went an hour and a half early for Jennifer Weiner, and yup, ended up helping the nice bookstore ladies set up chairs 🙂

  5. No one was there 90 minutes before for Jennifer Weiner?

    What is wrong with people???

    Oh, and I’m so jealous about that. I heart her too!

  6. how old are you again?

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