Posted by: kristabella | March 13, 2007

Your Uncle is Dave Krieg?

So last night I went out after work for some (seven) drinks (teen) with some co-workers. One of our people from Seattle was in town for some conference. Or something. I don’t even know who that dude is. Although, unfortunately, after work meant almost 7 PM, so it was a long day. I don’t like getting home after 9 PM and then having to eat dinner. Nothin’ like going to bed with a belly full of stroganoff. Nothing good comes from that, except a restless night. (Right, like I said NOTHING GOOD.) (And NO, I’m not cranky from lack of sleep. Don’t mention it again or I’ll stab you with a popsicle stick.) (Mmmmm……popsicles.)

Anyway, so we were sharing roller skating/roller blading stories (no idea how that topic got raised. Totally wasn’t from my recent outing to the roller rink.) And the guy I work with was sharing a horror story from when he was about 15 and was in Seattle visiting his aunt and uncle. So his uncle lived in this nice gated community with lots of hills (if you haven’t ever been to Seattle, that bitch (and I mean that in the nicest way possible) has more hills than San Francisco.) So he decided he’d blade (that’s what the kids are calling it) down the hill to get the mail. As he’s bladin’ (I actually typed baldin’, which is funnier) he hits a rough spot and is just about to eat it. So instead of face planting it, he basically uses his leg, his BARE leg, to slow himself down before he tumbles down the hill on to the freeway below. Needless to say, he was really banged up. Like most of the asphalt was embedded into his skin. He was like all hamburger.

At this point of the story he’s all “so my uncle played for the Seahawks, so he took me to the training facility to get it cleaned up by the team doctor.”

ME: Your uncle played for the Seahawks? Really?

HIM: (All nonchalantly. Like all our uncles are ex-NFLers) Yeah.

ME: What position?

HIM: Quarterback.

ME (Why am I even going on with this? You’re an f’ing idiot if you don’t know where this is going!) Like a back-up or something? (Because I was pretty sure it wasn’t like a famous person or anything. I’m such an asshole.)

HIM: No, a starter. (See, asshole.)

ME: (My fucking God! Just tell me who he was. What’s the big fucking secret?) Who was it?

HIM: Dave Krieg

ME: No. Fucking. Way.

I freaked out like his uncle was freakin’ (insert famous QB here that either I haven’t met or who I don’t hate and never want to meet anyway) (I’m talking about you Marino and Elway) (But would still totally giggle and turn a lovely shade of RED if I did meet them.)

(Seriously, I’ve met a lot – Joe Montana, Steve Young, Jeff Garcia, Rick Mirer (LOVED him), Steve Stenstrom (who?), Phil Simms, Boomer Esiason (have his autograph. My pen died as he was signing. Am so classy), Troy Aikman (oh MAN is he sex-eeeee), Gio Carmazzi (yes, that’s a real QB), Tim Rattay (damn the 49ers had a lot of QBs in 6 seasons), Cade McNown (awwww, Cadey Poo), Ken Dorsey, Y.A. Tittle (who, pre-49ers, thought his name was Ya, like rhymes with Ma), Joe Theismann, Steve Bono…)

And then the subject changed. Because really, what do I know about Dave Krieg except that he was on the Seahawks forever? And apparently the Bears, according to Wikipedia. (Also according to Wikipedia, he was sometimes called the Patron Saint of Football Folly because he had a bad case of fumbilitis. Yeah, that would be why I said nothing more than “WHAT?!?!? YOUR UNCLE IS DAVE KRIEG?!?!? THE DAVE KRIEG?!?!? Um, cool.)

And then I promptly went into a discussion where I defended Dusty Baker and his managerial skills with the Cubs. And about how Cubs fans only know the Dusty with the Cubs (who pretty much sucked, but not totally his fault. But a lot his fault.) and I know Dusty from his SF days (direct quote) and was talking about what a great job he did there. (Not really.) Just remembering it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. In Dusty, We No Trusty.

But yet, I still giggled and turned red. 


See? I’m an asshat.



  1. steve stenstrom… stanford quarterback extraordinaire!! you know!!

  2. You took a picture with Biff Henderson from Letterman? AWESOME!

    So you just said that you were defending Baker’s managerial skills with the Cubs, but then said in the next sentence that the Cubs were “a lot his fault.” Regardless of his managerial skills with SF (he lost the Series for them), if you were defending his tenure with the Cubs, you might want to … well, you know.

  3. When you get benched for Steve Stenstrom (Jeff Garcia) you know you’ve hit rock bottom.

    That’s the problem. That I was TRYING to defend him. Against my own will. Against better judgement. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t WANT to be defending him. I blame it on the heat.

    And he doesn’t look like Biff. Biff don’t chew on a toothpick.

  4. I don’t know if I have ever seen Montana, McCown, and Rattay used in the same sentence before…

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