Posted by: kristabella | January 24, 2007

I Do NOT Heart Sales

I am not a sales person. Can I sell you on why beer is good or why I think Grey’s Anatomy is a good show? Of course. Because everyone pretty much likes these things.

Can I sell you on consulting at your place of business? Or why you should go with my company? Maybe at a bar over a few beers, but definitely not if my income depended on it. And no fucking way would I do it every day. I do not like sales. Do. NOT!

So guess what this new hire training bullshit is these two extra days I’m staying out here? Yep. You guessed it. Sales training. And it is very informative. But there is role playing. Role! Fucking! Playing! (Thankfully I got out of mine because I was all “I’m not in sales.”) So two full on days of strategy and selling techniques. It’s been a long ass day. And let me just point out that I had two grande lattes today. TWO! I never have more than one. And I added a Diet Coke in there to stay awake. And am now jittery as all hell.

So seriouly, I’m starting to wonder about this job. I really like it. There is a great path to move on. There are tons of opportunities to grow into. I knew that going in. They all fucking mentioned sales when I was in interviews. As an option. I knew full well “Not Gonna Do It!” But, I don’t want to do it. I want to be in my little world where all I think about is the one client I work with. One. Granted, maybe not the best thing in the world because what if they stop hiring consultants? Not good for me. But I would hope that I would have enough skills to help on another account. Or just move on. I’m totally OK with that. Getting fired once in your life really changes your perspective.

These people are all sales people. And I found myself today really missing sports people. I mean, hell, my last job was all sales people too. But I guess dirt and mulch and erosion control is a little more salt of the Earth people than freaking consultants. Especially IT consultants.

Don’t get me wrong. I really like everyone. I just want to stay in my little niche and only help on that one account. I have no desires to really move up or gain all that much more responsibility. I like where I am. And am happy and content to stay in this for years. Do I know this for sure? No. But I do know one thing. I do not want to move into sales.

Sales VP is leading the meeting. He sounds like Tom Brokaw. Actually, we have some guys with really awesome voices. But Brokaw is a great sales guy. He started here almost when the whole consulting side of the business started. He’s a great wealth of knowledge. And he is really successful. So for the other people, they are eating it up with ginormous spoons. But I bring nothing to the table. I felt like I should contribute something, so I shared a story. It was about how, as a small consulting company and not one of the huge firms, we have better client relations and we’re there whenever you need us. So I say:

ME: “It’s like that scene from the show The Office. I don’t know if any of you watch The Office…”

(Dead. Fucking. Silence.)

Now Brokaw is a funny man. Maybe it was a wrong analogy. I know I looked like an ass. He pretty much looked at me. Paused. And then completely changed the subject. It was at that point I either wanted to A) cry, B) run from the room. Crying, or C) get out of there and on the next plane. Because you know what? I don’t care. I am not ever going to do sales.

(You know, I am totally going to end up as a salesperson in three years and have to come back and delete this post.)

A lot of it is because I’m so tired. I feel like I’ve been here for weeks. And it’s only Wednesday. And I don’t leave until Friday. But an even bigger majority is because I just like our office in Chicago. And I really like the people there (not that I don’t like the others). But all I’ve wanted to do while here is sleep, drink, blog or hang out with my non-work friends in Seattle. Which I’m off to do now. Rich and I are going out for drinks.

It’s just a new world for me because I’ve never felt out of place at a job. I know sports. I learned dirt. And I am a people person and can along with most people. But this is uncharted territory for me. And I’m not like it. Good thing I won’t be doing this again any time soon. Get me back to my desk in Chicago! Stat!

P.S. I also have homework. Um, yeah, okay.



  1. I know I talk about my old job a lot, but it’s great material;) I was the Estimating/Sales Asst and then the Sales Rep quit and they decided not to hire a replacement and guess who got to take over…oh yes, ME! I don’t know what they were thinking bc they all knew I loathed the phone. I wouldn’t make sales calls until the lunch time of the day and I would lock myself in an unused office so noone could hear me on the phone. HATED IT. The company went under soon after but really, it wasn’t because of me. Seriously.

  2. I think they should have warned you that you’d be in sales conferences for two days…hopefully, your evening out with $tabone was good. You’ll be home tomorrow….and back at your desk Monday. And….don’t underestimate yourself….you’ve known sports since you were a toddler, you amazingly learned mulch & dirt (not amazing that you learned it: amazing that you wanted to learn it), and you’ll be the MVE (Most Valuable Employee) at this place before they even know what hit ’em.
    Miss you!!!!!

  3. You either want to be in sales or you don’t. It’s really that easy. Like, I know what to say. We did these role playing things today and I knew what the guy was saying wrong. I knew it all. I just don’t want to say it. (Tom Brokaw intimidates the fuck out of me) I just don’t want to really ever go on a sales call where I’m in charge. So I know how you feel Scarlet. It would have made me quit.

    I knew it was going to be training. I just still don’t know why I was invited.

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