Posted by: kristabella | January 21, 2007

Leaving On a Jet Plane

So I have to tell you all that I’m blogging from the plane. Well, not really since I’m not actually online, but I’m still typing my entry. On the plane.

I haven’t been too active on here this week. It was a busy week at work. I think they’ll be busy from now on. But I feel like once I get the hang of things, the busyness won’t be as bad since I’ll know what I’m doing. It will be second nature. But I do enjoy the busy.

Thursday, I spent most of the afternoon out of the office. I went out to see some clients. And we had to head out to the ‘burbs anyway because we had a happy hour with the consultants on my account that night. It was super fun. I’m sure a lot of you thought consultants would be so boring and so not people that would be fun to hang out with. (I wondered this after I found out more about our consultants. And that they are all IT consultants. And all techy and shit. And not really consultants as much as program and project management consultants. They are hired to go in on IT projects and do specific work. Like fix the back end of the Java-Linux operating system. (I have no idea what in the hell that means, but how savvy did I just sound there? Face it. You’re impressed.) So they are in there for specific skills on specific projects. Like really well-qualified temps. So totally not the Office Space kind of consultants.)

So these guys (and some girls spread few and far between) are really fun people. The 12 or so that came out on Thursday night were a lot of fun. And just solidified the fact that I really love this job!

Last night I babysat for my niece and nephew. Which wasn’t so bad. Noah is so big and smart now. He’s almost five, so he’s like this real person. As evidenced by the fact that he told me about how much his Daddy (my brother) loves Sudoku. Seriously. A not-even-five-year old telling me about Sudoku. And he also told me about Sat-er-un, the planet with the rings. He’s super into planets right now. He’s so smart.

And my niece Skyler is just as cute as ever. And crazy as ever. I really think she gets that part from her Auntie. And I swear, she’s really close to saying Auntie. Not really, but I like to pretend that in Skyler language, she’s already saying it.

So last Friday, me and two of the other people in my office who are going to Seattle, we decided to switch our flight for today. Because with our flight leaving at 12:30 PM, we’re going to land in Seattle, just as the Bears game will be ending. So we check our options.

Option #1 – Leave on 7:35 AM flight with plenty of time to land in Seattle, get to the hotel and watch the whole game.

(Um, this option wasn’t even considered. By any of us. 7:35 is damn early.)

Option #2 – 10:15 AM flight that puts us into Seattle about 1 PM, missing just about an hour of the game. And we all decide we’ll leave the gate and head to the nearest airport bar. The change fee and all that was too expensive, but I did find out on American you can do preferred stand-by. Which means for the low, low price of $25, if you call 3 hours before the flight you want to get on, you’ll pretty much get a seat if it is available. Which is what we all did.

So I get ready and leave. I’m already running about 10 minutes late, but figure if I skip Dunkin Donuts and just get some coffee at the airport, I’ll have plenty of time. Right?

Hell. To. The. No.

Did I fail to mention it was snowing? And on a Sunday morning, no plows or salt trucks are getting their asses on the road. And why would they? No one should be up that early on a Sunday morning.

So I get there at about 9:25. I’m still within what I thought was the 30-minute rule to check bags and check in. It takes me forever to park and the damn tram is running late too. Why the fuck does everyone else have to run late when I’m running late? Damn you universe!

I finally, FINALLY, get to the little e-ticket check-in kiosk at 9:42. Guess what? It gives me a fucking boarding pass and then decides I’m too late to check any bags. And with the stupid liquid rule, I either have to toss everything and buy new stuff in Seattle, or try to fly stand-by on my God damned original flight. And the line to get all this straightened out is not short. Why do people stand in the real line anymore? Kiosk is the way to go bitches.

So as I’m standing in line, the heavens open up and make it colder outside and snow is falling. And moisture is freezing. And? My flight is delayed 10 minutes. Which means? I’m now within the 40-minute rule and they’ll check my bag! Woo to the Hoo!

So then all I have to brave is the security line. Which isn’t that long. Seemingly. There are only 2 lanes open. And lots of people. But this is where blogging gets good.

I’m standing behind this disgusting couple who have their hands all over each other. They are neither young. Nor cute. It’s disgusting. As we get to the X-Ray machine, we’re all taking our shoes off, putting them in the gray bins, moving along like drones in a feeding line. As we get closer, dude asks the TSA lady about the mouthwash he has in his bag. The lady begins to tell him the same old line that has been true for months now, that you can take small travel sized things of liquids and gels in a clear Ziploc bag. (I don’t travel that much, but it amazes me how oblivious people are. Back in November, less than a week after I got back from Orlando and a few days before I was leaving for Arizona, my friend IMs me to tell me that I can’t take any liquids on a plane. My first thought “Duh. I just flew to Orlando.” My second thought, as she told me how they threw all her liquids away and let her keep her expensive perfume, was “how in the hell did you have no idea, almost two months later, that this is a rule?”) Apparently, she isn’t the only one.)

So Dude pulls out his mouthwash. IN A WATER BOTTLE and asks “is this OK?” And TSA lady is all “no, it needs to be travel size in a Ziploc bag.” When you know damn well she’s thinking “dumbass!” And it gets better. Then. THEN, he pulls out a jumbo sized bottle of Paul Mitchell shampoo and is all “how about this?” And that TSA lady tries really hard not to laugh. And tells him no, but he could go back and check it. He decides not to and dumps the giganto bottle of shampoo. (Question is, do you use the shampoo? Because you and your wife don’t look clean.)

So we move through X-Ray and his bag is holding things up a bit. I’m thinking “he’s probably got more shit in there he thought he could get away with.” And boy howdy, does he. Finally they pull his bag off the manually check it and I go through. As I’m putting my shoes and belt on, I notice what all he’s got in his bag. It didn’t stop with the shampoo. He has a large can of shaving cream. An industrial sized bottle of “cologne” that may or may not have been Brut or Old Spice. I didn’t look to close. I don’t like to stare that long. But it was the funniest thing I have seen. I can only imagine the other stuff those TSA people see and what people try to get away with. I’ll admit I got through with a small thing of hand lotion in my purse. But if they found it, I would have thrown it out. Am not an idiot. But if you’re going to try and push the limit, leave the 72-ounce bottles at home, Rusty.

And did I mention that all of this? Making me late for my plane! Even though I still had time to stop at Dunkin Donuts for coffee and a bagel because I was starving. And it was such a good thing that I decided to rush to the gate. Because my plane sat at the gate for over an hour. De-icing or something. Because the plane came from Philly. But they de-iced it three times and even the pilot got on and said “I don’t know what they’re doing. And why it’s taking them so long. But we’re still sitting.” Well, at least it bothers him too.

On the plane, there is this big fat man sitting across the aisle. The girl in front of him, who I work with, her seat is broken and when she leans in it, it leans back. Big Fat Man doesn’t like this because then he’s all wedged in. He got so disgusted that he went to open his Diet Coke bottle and the damn thing exploded all over him. So Big Fat Wet Man asked the flight attendant for a napkin or a sheet to wipe himself off with. Which he did. But I noticed later, that he was messing with the napkin again. Apparently there was some sort of slit in the cloth napkin (probably one of the ones those first class assholes get) and Big Fat Man was trying to button it to his shirt. I don’t even know what else to say. Besides fucking hilarious.

Nothing else too exciting. Just glad to be here. Especially since we’re probably going to miss the whole game anyway. Plane’s supposed to land at 1:35 Seattle time, so we might be able to catch a quarter or more. Better than nothing. Gives me something to do while I wait for my bag that probably isn’t on the plane anyway.

Editor’s note: We made it to the hotel in time to catch most of the second half. And I have my bag. And? And? AND? THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL!!!!! BEAR. FUCKING. DOWN!!!



  1. THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!! And in spite of Rex Grossman, who was called several choice names by me most of the game! Gram even told me to be quiet. Kudos to the defense who came out fully loaded….I was hoping for a rematch of Super Bowl XX & playing the PATS but now I’ll have a quarterback in Peyton Manning to swear at since I dislike him even more than Rex.
    GO BEARS!!!!!

  2. I feel like an outsider now bc I’m not a Bears fan. I’m not AGAINST the bears…..I just haven’t been watching any football this year. OMG, am I kicked off now? I LIKE football, I DO! It’s just that I work on Sundays and often on Mondays. Oy.

  3. i actually hope the bears win in two weeks, ’cause i’ll be in chicago and when the city riots, i can take my aggressions out! good luck!

  4. If they do riot, you don’t want to be anywhere near it. You’ll die or something. We like burn cars and shit.

    But if they win, I think it will be more partying than anything! I can’t wait! Good thing I’m back from SF in time for the game!

    It’s OK Scarlet. As long as you’ll be rooting for the Bears in this one game (or at least tell me you are) then we’re good.

  5. If the city didn’t burn to the ground when the White Sox won, there’s no chance of anything too bad happening when the Bears win.

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