Posted by: kristabella | January 11, 2007

We’ll Be Back In Two and Two

So I didn’t write last night because I was out with $tabone. (Which, by the way, for inquiring minds, is for Richard Stabone. Which is the full name of the character Boner on Growing Pains. (Hehe, I said boner.) When asked why he uses the dollar sign? “Just for a little flare.”) (He may not have said flare. But it’s funnier that way.)

So we met up for some drinks. Because, really? That’s the only thing we know how to do together. Seriously. So we started at ESPN Zone and then ended up at (surprise, surprise) the hotel bar! It was packed in there. I had beer after beer after beer. And tried (not wholeheartedly per se) to go home numerous times. Finally. FINALLY, at 12:45 in the MORNING, I got in a cab. With Creepy McGee cab driver. Which, maybe it was better to stay and drink. I got in the car and told Creepy McCreeperson my address. I was met with? Silence. What seemed like five minutes later, Creeptatic told me to move to the other side of the back seat. (Let me just point out that even after large quantities of beer, I still found this so weird that I A) texted myself the cab number, in case I got abducted or something (I was drunk. Don’t question the logic.) and B) located the lock and was a split second from the door handle at all times, in case I had to do the emergency tuck and roll out of the car. On Lake Shore Drive.) (Again, don’t question the logic.)

Mr. Creepy didn’t get any better when he dropped me off. I paid him and he was all staring in the backseat at me with this weird look. I’m telling you people. You heard it here first. Cab number 6144 has a mass murderer driving it. (Or I may have a tendency to overreact.) But let’s all breathe a sigh of relief that I am OK and in one piece. Amen.

Today at work the GM was doing the signature “two and two” hand gesture made famous by Chuck Woolery. I don’t know what he was talking about. He had just brought in fresh-baked cookies for us, so I was drooling over the chocolaty goodness. So I say “did you know that Chuck Woolery has that trademarked?” (I did hear this on the Game Show Network. I’m not saying it’s true, but I did hear it. Sober.) And he’s all “has what trademarked?” And I’m all “I’m not sure if it’s the gesture or the saying or the combination of the two.” And he’s all “Who is Chuck Woolery?”


(insert long pause)

HIM: No really. Who is Chuck Woolery? Some sort of sports guy?

ME: (cricket, cricket…)

ME: Seriously?

HIM: Yeah

ME: The game show host? From Love Connection?

HIM: We’re from different age groups you know.

ME: (cricket, cricket, cricket)

And then I went back to work. Because I had nothing to say. I was completely speechless. Do we live in a world where people in their mid-40s don’t know Chuck Woolery? What kind of world is this?

One I don’t want to live in. That’s for damn sure.

Shortly after that, my boss and I had a meeting and she told me all about the company and the history, etc. Apparently GM was a consultant his whole life, getting sent on jobs that took him away from his family for months and years (YEARS!) at a time. Which is why he’s not doing that anymore. And I realized at that moment, I’m glad I’m out of football and worlds where people actually work so many hours and live to work, not work to live and make their entire lives their jobs so much so that they lose touch with reality. Like not knowing who the fuck Chuck Woolery is. And it is not worth it. Life is about TV and game shows and friends and family and cookies.

And you can trademark that, bitches!



  1. Ah yea, I’ve seen Love Connection live and in person! Yes, I am a person in that 40+ age group that not only knows Chuck Woolery, but has seen him in person! We took a road trip down to LA when were in college to see the show!

  2. I thought it was “2 on 2” because he was on channel 2 back home when ai was a kid:)

  3. Ok, now I am 40ish and I know who he is, so relax he is just a workaholic and watches nothing but the news.
    And I work in the sports world and you don’t HAVE to make it your life, and those who do… get cut anyway!
    So I work to live. And when I get “cut”…I will still have a life.Dammit.

  4. That’s what I’m saying! It’s not like I asked him who some random football player is. It’s Chuck F’ing Woolery!

    I bet my Grandma even knows who he is!

  5. Being 40+ it feel’s like I’ve got older with him
    with the Game show’s and other thing’s he has done ,he never look’s any older good for you
    chuck. So maybe you should have asked somebody younger because I work with younger
    people that alway’s seem to have something to
    say about him

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