Posted by: kristabella | January 2, 2007

Ring In With the Crazy

Guess what? It’s January. And that means I have freed myself from the shackles of the NaBloPoMo shit. And I don’t have to write every day. Which is a nice feeling. I’m still going to try, but it was nice yesterday to not worry about it. Because then I would have posted something stupid. Like pictures of my cats or something.

My New Year’s celebration was good times. Jenn and I went to Tryst in Wrigleyville. A few of my friends threw a semi-private party that was all you could drink, plus appetizers, etc. I’ve never done one of those parties. Mostly because that’s a lot of money. But you usually can drink your fair share. And I mean, you pretty much pay at least $30 to walk into any bar on NYE.

So we got there a little after 8, which was when it started. And we promptly ordered drinks and took a spot on the couches by the door. Which proved an excellent spot for people watching.

Around 9ish we noticed this girl. I first noticed her looking in our direction with this bitchy ass look on her face. We soon found out (when she was tossing the toothpicks from the appetizers over her head) that she was bombed. Totally hammered. How she got that drunk by 9, only being at this bar for less than an hour, I have no idea. They were strong drinks, but come on.

So Drunkity McGee and her “friend” are pretty much almost going to blows. Because friend doesn’t want to deal with her this early in the evening and really, Drunkity, you’re making an ass of yourself. And my friends throwing the party were really trying to get her booted.

Thankfully, she stayed. Because she was so entertaining. After the fight outside, the two come in and sit right next to us on the couch. One of the chicks I was with decided, with much egging on from the rest of the peanut gallery, to eavesdrop on their fight. Turns out “friend” kept saying how much she loved Drunkity McGee and didn’t want her to keep acting like this. So we came to the conclusion, they were lesbians. Which would have made sense why Drunkity checked out my rack and friend told me something about my “girls” looking good in my top. Okay. Um, thanks?

At one point, one of the girls I was with was coming back from the bathroom. Holding hands with Drunkity McGee! Whose name is Louise. And she’s from England. And kept telling us how lovely we all were. And she really liked to smooch complete strangers on the cheeks. A lot!

Also around this time, the one dude we were with, who happened to be like the only straight guy in there, was getting all kinds of freaky with the friend. Which is why we were so lucky to hang out with Drunkity McGee. Who lasted all night. Which is impressive seeing how drunk she was at 9. Jenn called her the International Lesbian. Because she was from England. But not sure she was a lesbian. I mean Europeans kiss a lot. And I kiss a lot when I’m drunk.

Unfortunately, I did not bring a purse. Which meant, I did not have anything to write on or with. Nor did I have my phone to text myself, or leave some sort of message for myself. Jenn had her phone and sent me some drunk texts regarding the evening. Here’s a sampling:

International lesbo. Sweater vest. Lots of gay dudes. Crotch grab. Weird. Her name is Louise. She checked out your rack.

Les & small ass man.

White shoes.

Red belt.

And the funniest thing? I know exactly what most of these things mean.

There were some bad fashions. This one woman had on a black dress. With a white belt. BLACK pantyhose. And white platform heels. WHITE! With black hose!

This other chick was wearing a sweater vest. I mean, cute and all, but seriously? Dress it up a little. It is New Year’s. And really? Sweater vests in a bar/club? Let’s leave that shit for the workplace.

Sweater Vest was all rubbing on I-Don’t-Own-An-Iron-And-Have-Huge-Pecs-And-Shove-Them-In-Your-Face-To-Make-Me-Feel-Like-A-Bigger-Man guy. Again, it’s New Year’s. Iron your damn shirt. Or pay the $1 to have the dry cleaner press it. Come on, people.

Then there was the ponytail guy. But it wasn’t like a long ponytail. He like did one of those bun things with it so it was a nub. And then Jenn went up and touched it. So he went to the back of the bar. Far, far away from us.

The best part of the evening? (I know! How could it get better than gay guys. And maybe-lesbians. And Drunkity McGee from England.) Jenn had a little too much to drink. She had four martinis, which were pretty damn strong. And at some point, they started to disagree with her.

Apparently we stayed until closing. I really lost all track of time after midnight. And can’t really remember what we did after midnight. I guess we stood around and danced and tried to stay as far away from Drunkity McGee as possible.

While we were waiting to get our coats, Jenn puked. Right there on the ground. Next to one of the couches. Just very subtle. So subtle, I didn’t even notice.

So trying to get a cab on New Year’s at 2:30 AM in Wrigleyville? Not easy. We pretty much walked all the way to Irving before finding an empty cab. That was going south. (Needed to go north.) But damn it was cold and I wanted to get home and I’ll pay the extra dollar for you to turn around.

And then she puked in the cab. IN it. Like just sat there puking, while I was giving directions to the driver. That time I noticed. As I’m sure he probably did too. And just wanted our asses out of there. And I’m pretty sure I gave him a damn fine tip. For the puke and all.

In the cab!

And then we made it up to my place and she blew chunks and prayed to the porcelain God a little more. But she was fine the next morning. And we went to get turkey clubs at the diner down the street.

All in all? A great way to start off the new year.

And now I have the week off. To do nothing. Which I will take full advantage of. By watching all the game shows I can.



  1. It’s funnier to read about the night. Good times…

    No mention of those stupid ceramic geese wearing fuzzy white hoods and big red bows?

  2. that is a great story! another way to start the new year off with a bang is seeing ME twice in two weekends, which may happen! i really want to go to the super bowl again, and the best way to do that is going through chicago, ’cause they are horrible, rather than new orleans. so, go philly! not only will i see you next weekend, not this weekend, but then you come to seattle for “training.” and i’m advancing, so i’ll be in chi-town on like the 10th or 11th, so i’ll see you in 8 days! see you soon, buddy ol’ pal.

  3. Jenn – I totally forgot about all the hilarity that happened on Monday. Since I was still drunk. I focused too hard on remembering the events of the evening. I may just have to go by that house today and take a photo.

    Don’t get ahead of yourself Rich. You’re going to have a tough time with the Cowboys on Saturday…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: