Posted by: kristabella | December 20, 2006

Fix the Coffee Machine!

OK, so I missed my one-month blogiversary (I made up a word) because, um, well, I don’t know. It was around Thanksgiving? And I was bound and determined (bound. And determined, people.) to recognize month two. (Which is the paper blogiversary. Didn’t you know? For that honor, I’m picking myself up some toilet paper. Or paper towels.)

Two-month blogiversary? Was yesterday. Shall save these streamers and balloons for January 19.

So the coffee maker here at work is not allowed to be turned on. Know why? Because said coffee machine is on same circuit as new server. Which means? When said coffee maker is on, brewing loverly, necessary-for-me-to-be-able-to-stay-awake-and-work-I-mean-read-blogs-all-day coffee, it blows the circuit! And server, goes off. And computers? No workey. And no e-mail, and no internet make KJ go something, something.

Go Crazy?

Don’t mind if I do!

(Those of you who got The Simpsons reference, you’re my new best friend(s).)

But then nice man here, decided to go out and buy 2 coffee makers (regular and decaf. Why would you drink coffee without caffeine? And in the morning no less? Those are crazy people. KRAY-ZEE!) So we do have coffee. What we don’t have? Is the HOT water that comes out of that little spout that I use to make oatmeal. Because it’s instant. And instantly good. And instantly in my belly. Because I? Have no patience.

So I’m all “FINE! I’ll make instant oatmeal the old-fashioned way. In the microwave.”

So I do. I add the water and then go to put said oatmeal in the microwave. (What’s with all the “saids” today? Seriously.) As I do this, I apparently come down with an instantaneous case of vertigo because before I realize it, half my oatmeal is all over the inside of the microwave. Dammit!

So I clean it up. Put cup back in the microwave (and by the way, totally almost spill it AGAIN) and proceed to heat it to its desired warmth. After a minute, I pull it out. It does not look good. But it’s oatmeal, it never really looks all that appetizing. Oh, and it’s as hot as a mother fucker!

So it cools. And I take a bite. Well, not even a bite before I spit it back out. Apparently, the stuff that spilled? Had all the flavorfullness in it. (the maple and brown sugar flavorfullness) And when that spills out, it makes oatmeal turn into tasteless sticky goo. That doesn’t even taste like oatmeal. Blech!

I would also like to point out (has nothing to do with coffee or oatmeal) that no one tells you that you won’t want to do any work AT ALL when you know you’re leaving. In seven days.

Today: “Can you make a poster?”

Me: (Grumpity, grump, muttermuttermutter, heavy sigh) “What for?”

I don’t want to make a poster. I definitely don’t want to make a poster that Mr. High-On-Himself-Marketing-Director is just going to ask me to e-mail to him so he can “tweak” it (which means, make one word ALL CAPS instead of small caps) and then claim as his own. Definitely not.

Why? Why are you asking me to do things? Waaaaaah!

OK. Now I have to go into a meeting with my boss to tell him all the eleven million things that I’ve been working on and that I definitely won’t be able to get to before next Friday. Because now? I have to do a poster.



  1. I’m not sure when my blogiversary is. I need to figure that out bc a party would be nice.

  2. Any excuse for a party! 🙂

    And I just went back and looked at my first post date. That’s the day I started it.

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