Posted by: kristabella | December 4, 2006

One Minute Inside A Woman’s Head

So ever since I started this here lovely piece of blogtastic work, I am a freak when it comes to ideas for posts.

I have a small spiral notebook in my purse. It’s been in there since about February 2005, after I got laid off FIRED. It was part of a going away present. I’ve used it from time to time, because there are times when you need a piece of paper. (I also always have at least one pen in my purse at ALL times. My guy Kirk told me early on in my “career” that a good PR person always has a pen. And ever since then, I always have a pen. Thanks Chief!) But mostly, this sad notebook just sat there in my purse.

Until I started blogging. Now, everything is documented. It’s like the reporter I never wanted to be has come out of me. Actually, it’s more like the tank loads of alcohol I’ve consumed in my lifetime have started to catch up with me. It’s killed off the underachieving brain cells and went right to brain cells that retain information. And my DVR might have something to do with it. Attention span of a gnat, I tell ya.

Seriously. If I don’t write it down, I don’t remember. At least I know this about myself. Once, my boss asked me to do something, while I was on my lunch break. I didn’t write it down and it completely slipped my mind. I did remember on my way home and attempted to turn around, but have you ever seen the traffic going Westbound on Lake Cook Road? It’s a sonofabitch! So my half-hearted attempt ended quickly. Because let’s face it, I hate my job. And they don’t pay me enough to turn around and sit in traffic. I sit in enough traffic already.

Why am I telling you this? Because sometimes I write notes about something, thinking that it will be a good post and it really just ends at that one note. Turns out to be a whole lot of nothing. Or I’m drunk when I write it and it’s not funny in the morning. Like most things in life.

Like the note from the night before Thanksgiving. When I went out with some friends. You know, ’cause it’s like the second biggest drinking night of the year! Behind New Year’s Eve! Woo hoo! PAR-TAY BITCHES! And I noticed these girls order Bud Lights. With limes in them! Weird, right? But then there isn’t much more to this story than me saying “Maybe they’re Mexican and since Americans put limes in Mexican beers, they put limes in American beers.” They didn’t appear to be Mexican. And I called it an early night. Because I’m old!

Tonight I noticed a guy in the car next to me with something hanging from his rearview mirror. Not all that surprising. Until I took a closer look. And it was (wait for it, wait for it) a raccoon tail! Like off a ‘coon skin cap! The sorts fashioned by Daniel Boone. Or is it Davey Crockett?

I think it is Davey Crockett. It has to be. Because remember that one episode of The Simpsons? When Mr. Burns puts on a human brain as a hat and says “Look, Smithers. I’m Davey Crockett.” Heeheeheehee.

And if it is on The Simpsons, it is therefore true. Except for when Ned Flanders made that crack about ASU. But Ned Flanders is so fiddle-ly full of shittle-ly shit. Suck that, Neighborino!



  1. I make notes on my cell phone of things to blog about. Then I forget to check my phone.

  2. Your “Look Smithers….” made me laugh out loud….and I seriously knew you were going in that direction as soon as I read racoon tail!

  3. That’s funny because I wasn’t going in that direction until I typed Daniel Boone.

  4. Hmmm…I was wondering when the “limes in the Miller Lite” story would appear.

    No reference to the Turkey Testicle Festival? Where is the love 🙂

    At least you were not dis-ing (is that how that word is spelled?) Lance Armstrong in your post – I cannot handle that!

    Oh! You can invest in a digital recorder…they are great for when you are sitting in traffic and an idea strikes you…You can do the whole Star Trek thing – star date blah, blah, blah…

  5. See? You therein proved my point! If I don’t write it down, I don’t remember! I totally forgot about the Turkey Testicle Festival!

    We’re still in the early stages of this blog. The anti-Lance Armstrong post will probably come.

    Good idea with the digital recorder! Maybe I’ll get myself an early Xmas present!

  6. I love that Kirk told you that every good PR person always had a pen. Perhaps that explains why my pen holder was always empty. He didn’t have one, so he liberated mine.

    Kirk, if you’re reading, I want my pens back.

  7. That is SO funny!

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