Posted by: kristabella | November 21, 2006

How Come Every Time You Come Around I Want To Punch You In The Face?

In honor of nothing really being on TV right now (Gilmore Girls just finished and I won’t even go into the utter stupidity of that show. Lorelai and Chris are STILL MARRIED?!? Seriously?!?! NOT a good move. And Logan’s an ass) and since I’m watching the American Music Awards, let’s talk about Fergie, shall we.

No, not this Fergie (and by the way, props to her and the whole Weight Watchers thing! Keep it up Fergie!)

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I’m talking about skanky Fergie. From the Black Eyed Peas. Who for some odd, stupid reason, has a solo career. Where she raps. This Fergie. Who, yes, I know doesn’t look all that skanky in this photo.

Fergie

Ahh, this is more like it.

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The one who pees her pants on stage. And not from laughing. Like at funny things. But because she’s coked or methed up and nasty. Or something. Whatever. She’s clean. And not being a former or current drug addict personally, I’m not all that familiar with what happens when you REALLY have to go. But you don’t see anyone else pissing their pants on stage. And we all know she’s not the only one hopped up on something. I mean, seriously, the Peas can go on one second without you while you hit the head.

But why I am really doing this post is because I don’t get it. I mean one Google search of Fergie photos gives a lot of scantily clad and semi-naked photos (see above). Do guys want to see this? I don’t get it. And I’m not trying to be all bitchy because I’m secretly jealous of her. (Although, those abs are to die for.) I really think she’s unattractive. That face? Yikes! And she makes stupid songs.

Like, London Bridge. Which, whatever, kind of catchy. But then all these people ask about what “letting your London Bridge down” means. And she’s all “I’ll let you all figure it out.” Giggle. Hair twirl. Because you don’t know, Fembot. You sing what they tell you. (That totally sounded all bitchy-jealous, but I swear. It’s just for the abs. And maybe the money. And her man.) And what’s with the “rapping”? I mean, the girl can sing. She can carry a tune. I have no problem with her going out on her own, as say compared with Paris Hilton. Fergie can sing. Like melodies and shit. So what’s with the rapping? She CANNOT rap.

And don’t get me started on Fergilicious. Because A) when you have to tell us, you’re not and B) ewww. And again with the rapping. And bad spelling. Anyone else notice they spell tasty, T-A-S-T-E-Y, so that it like fits within the beats and shit? (Probably not because you don’t actually listen to the song when it comes on. Or haven’t heard it enough to know all the words. Shut it. I have 3 hours in the car a day.) So. Lame.

And I so don’t even want to discuss how SHE lands him. The injustice of it all. She must go all Ferglicious on his ass in bed. It’s the only reason. Or she’s a beard. I’ll gladly be that beard any day.

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Yummy. I need more…

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And now? I can go to bed happy. With my dreams to keep me company.

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Responses

  1. Ha, I just wrote about Gilmore Girls. I thought there was going to be more Luke/Lorelai interaction tonight. Like, with him fighting for her, dammit!

    As for Fergie-she makes me vomit. i don’t get her appeal.

  2. I was happy that they interacted. Minus her showing off her shiny bling, bling of a ring in his FACE!

    But he needs to fight! FIGHT LUKE!

  3. Yuck! No-talent assclown! Also, yuck!

    Believe it or not, pre-skank, the Black Eyed Peas were a sorta “intelligent” semi-underground group like J5. I actually heard one of their songs a lot in Australia in 2001 and it was pretty good. I’d blame her for everything, but selling out is a group decision, and I did see an interview with Douche.i.am in like 2002 and he was … hmm, how did you say it, a complete douche of a toolbox.

  4. I actually like Fergie’s music, but I agree on the rapping. Or should I say lack thereof?
    Then there’s my JOSH…YUMMY!!!


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