Posted by: kristabella | October 27, 2006

Marlboro (wo)Man

So as some of you know, if I get REALLY sheeeatty when I’m out killing brain cells, I sometimes feel it is my need to “smoke” a cigarette. (The quotes are because actually inhaling would make me vomit. And if I’m THAT drunk, I can handle that just fine.) It happens less and less because, seriously, I’d rather smoke a cigar. It’s totally cooler and guys totally dig a chick smoking a stogie.

I am in no way advocating smoking. Smoking is BAD. Most everyone in my family smokes and they are all going to get lung cancer and in turn give it to me with their nasty ass second hand smoke. Chicago is EVENTUALLY going to be smoke free in like 200-forever once they stop listening to Mike Ditka. (Totally lurrrve the man, but him not being able to smoke his cee-gars in public is really not THAT big of a deal. I mean, who likes to go home from a bar reeking like smoke. To quote Noah, my 4-year old nephew, “Blech!”)

Anyway, this isn’t where this post was going. I had this wacky dream last night about cigarettes (hence the topic). I was out at a bar with some friends, but I only remember Schwerer being there. And it was early in the day and I was stone cold sober. (So it must have been early… 10 AM or something) I had just gotten there and Schwerer, with her completely full pack of Marlboros was telling me I had to go buy two packs of ciggys. And I was getting really perturbed because 1) I wasn’t drunk, so there was no way I was smoking one and 2) I’ve never smoked more than ONE cigarette in a drunken stupor let alone TWO PACKS!

So Schwerer? Suck it because I’m so not buying your cigarettes for you!

And I have absolutely no idea what that dream means. I’m taking it to mean that I need to go get drunk. Now. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!


OK, he’s kinda yummy in a rugged, manly kind of way



  1. While I probably won’t be confused with the guys one would attract with such a habit any time soon, I’ll still drop my DOWNGRADE on chicks smoking cigars since while slightly less trashy looking, it still smells nasty. If it’s dime-store Freud day, I suggest taking a tobacco-flavored dildo to the bars with you. It’s more socially-conscious.

  2. Come to think about it…could be the phallic nature of smoking a cigar that guys dig. It must get them all hot imagining you are sucking on their stuff…

    I don’t really know, but I got a lot of attention at a friend’s wedding recently when I smoked a cigar with the guys…

  3. So I get harrassed on the net now too? Love you!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: