Hi, my name is Kristabella and I actually like Victoria Beckham, AKA Posh Spice. Gasp! There. I admitted it. It’s the first step and all.
I know. It might be a little shocking. The only person I ever knew that actually liked that wretched woman was Scarlet. But she loves all things British. Especially Tony Blair.
I always thought she was a haughty bitch. Always with that pout. Smile for fuck’s sake. Your life is not that bad! And eat a damn sammich!
But as you’re all aware, I am a slave to all reality television. I even do live-blogging during Top Chef over on MamaPop. I will watch anything. Once. Or in the case of that trainwreck of a show that Bret Michaels is on, every. Damn. Week!
So I TiVoed the Victoria Beckham Coming to America special. Mostly because I heard how baaaaad it was supposed to be. See, it was supposed to be this long series. But they only had enough material for one episode. Which is probably enough. Any more and I may have hated that skinny, stuck up bitch again.
Anyway, so I finally watched it. And I’m here to tell you, she’s entertaining. Yes, I know she’s not really a celebrity and shouldn’t have this much attention on her. Blah, blah, blah. At least she’s a singer. And got “famous” from being in The Spice Girls. Unlike Paris Hilton who got famous because her daddy paid people to pay attention to her ass-face.
But you know what? Posh Spice always has underwear on. Excuse me, knickers. She’s always polite to the paparazzi. She’s not beating their cars down with umbrellas. She’s not shouting obscenities at them. And she’s not drinking and driving! And really, the paparazzi are going to follow celebrities. We can’t change that. But I’d much rather they show her and put her in the news and on magazine covers than those other skanky law breakers.
Anyway, back to the show. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you TiVo it (I think Bravo might still be showing it) or watch it on You Tube. It’s all there.
People, the woman is funny. She does the pout on purpose. She’s full-on aware that she comes off like a skinny, hoity toity bitch in the media. And I think she’s OK with it. She hunted down Perez Hilton and bitch-slapped him and told him not to write mean things. No. Not really. He did buy her a cookie and she turned it down because it would “ruin her image.” She said she just cannot smile, have fun or eat. Especially not in front of the paparazzi.
I love that she’s not that full of herself. (Don’t get me wrong, she’s still rich and thinks she’s better than most people.) But I like that she’ll poke fun at herself and at her image. And that it doesn’t seem to bother her. Mostly I’m glad (read: insanely shocked) that she’s got a personality. And isn’t a robot.
My favorite line was when she was looking for houses. And they found one that Lionel Richie used to own. And the realtor said that the house used to have stone floors, but Lionel replaced them himself. So Posh says “So Lionel Richie laid the parquet floor by hand…(beat)…all whilst dancing on the ceiling.”
And really, her husband is dead sexy. So I can put up with her. But now even more so that she’s got blood flowing under that outside layer of skin. And not wires and transponders and robot shit.
That man is all kinds of yummy.